Ted Wilson Reviews the World #110

THE COMPUTER AT THE JAMAICA PLAIN LIBRARY
★★★★★ (3 out of 5)

Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing the computer at the Jamaica Plain Library.

These days I have my own computer, but that wasn’t always the case. I used to have to go all the way to the library in order to pull up websites or receive emails. The library only had one computer so there was often a line for it. If you stepped out of the line you would lose your place, so it was smart to plan ahead and bring a snack. I would bring chips because then I could easily make a pun about computer chips in case the subject came up.

One time I got very excited because there was no line. It seemed too good to be true, so I ran and jumped into the seat. After a few minutes I realized I was sitting at a microfiche machine. That explained why all the websites were in black and white.

I was too proud to admit my embarrassing mistake. I leaned in towards the screen as though I was looking very intently and would occasionally nod my head as though I’d found something I was looking for. I did that for about half an hour. Anyone who looked close enough would have seen that I was crying a little.

The next time I came to the library there was an out-of-order sign taped to the computer. I asked one of the librarians what happened and he said that a homeless man tried to make love to the computer. I knew immediately which homeless man that would have been.

Not being able to look at websites or read email had strange effect. I felt nervous and vulnerable. The only good thing was that it put a crimp in my Friendster addiction, which I still struggle with to this day.

I’m not sure whatever happened to that computer because then I got my own and never went back to the library.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing soda.com.