RAIN
★★★★★ (0 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing rain.
There are a lot of things I don’t like about rain. For one thing, it’s so wet. I don’t mind getting wet normally, but I mind when it’s out of my control. That’s why I don’t like being sprayed with a fire hose or pushed into a lake. If rain were optional, like if it rained in designated locations and people could visit those areas of their own volition, that would be ideal.
Personally, I don’t believe we even need rain. A lot of scientists say we need it for things to grow but that’s not true. Look at the desert. It’s got cacti and lots of animals. Besides, we have snow and rivers if you really want unsalted water.
Another problem with rain is that I’m terrified of being hit by it. They say if you drop a penny off the empire state building that it could kill someone. Rain falls from even higher up. That’s why my umbrella is a square of sheet metal. It’s much more awkward to carry than a regular umbrella and people stare a lot and it’s really tiring to carry, but I’m still alive. And that includes being hit by lightning twice.
Gene Kelly had to pretend he liked singing the in the rain even though I can’t imagine he did. That’s a testament to his acting, that he could smile while being rained on. I’ve actually never been able to sit through the entirety of Singin’ in the Rain because when I get to that scene I just get so angry and have to turn it off.
There are only two good things about rain. One is that you can wet your pants in a rainstorm and no one will think anything of it. The other good thing is that someday a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing the Siberian Husky Breeders Association of New England.
