THE SUPER BOWL
★★★★★ (3 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing the Super Bowl.
Yesterday was the Super Bowl – the last game of the football season. Unlike other bowls, this one is made “super” by musicians who interrupt the game to sing songs and dance around. This is referred to as the halftime show. Not only does the singing and dancing give the players a chance to take a break, but it gives the fans a chance to watch a Madonna video, which they were probably just hoping to do anyway.
The most significant part of the Super Bowl is that whichever team wins will be crowned the Champions of Football! Until next year when someone else becomes the champions.
Attending in person is an exclusive event limited to only tens of thousands of people. The cost of the average ticket is enough to provide food to a starving family for a month or more. I sure hope the people who spend their money on Super Bowl tickets don’t ever discover that the game is televised for free. I watched it from the comfort of my own living room and I was still able to paint my face and torso. (I didn’t know who was playing, so I just painted a beautiful landscape on myself. I should have waited for it to dry because now there’s a smudged landscape on my couch.)
The winners of the game are awarded a decent enough sized trophy in the shape of a football. It may not be the most creative design, but there’s no questioning what sport it represents. It’s unclear who gets to keep possession of the trophy. It may be that the manager keeps the trophy, or that the most popular player gets to. Another theory is that the trophy is cut up into small chunks of varying sizes and divided up between the team, with a correlation between chunk size and skill level of each player.
The best thing about the Super Bowl is the intensity with which the players run around while carrying the ball. I think they save up during regular football season so that when the Super Bowl comes they can really give it their all. You could really tell that each team really wanted to win. They were trying so hard! One team didn’t try hard enough though. That’s the downside of the Super Bowl. Even though there are some winners, there are also some losers. That’s why I turn the game off right before it’s over. I don’t want to have to imagine those losers going back to their mansions and having to tell their wives and/or girlfriends that they didn’t win the football game.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing slavery.
6 responses
Too bad smarmy, petulant and poorly written criticism on backwater literary blogs don’t get 135 million viewers like the Super Bowl – you wouldn’t have had to hawk insurance for 40 years.
Dear Jake,
Actually, I didn’t begin reviewing the world until well after I retired, so the number of views wouldn’t have changed my career path at all. I wish it did though. I would give anything to have at least 25 of those years back.
Anyway, if you tell your friends about my review it could help push us to the 135 million mark! Thanks!
Your Friend,
Ted
Informative, eloquent, and objective. Well written, good sir.
I would argue with one point, though; landscape couch is not a thing to be regretful about.
I’m with you Ted. I actually went to a Tibetan dumpling theme party yesterday instead and while dumplings can be similar in shape to that of a football…. it was as close as we got to the subject at hand.
Dear Ted,
Did the cornballers win this year? I’m afraid I was too busy working for money to pay my bills to watch the people who gave the equivalent of eight of my paychecks to be on the jumbotron.
your friend,
Serah
Fred, thanks for this review. I look forward to watching the super bowl.
Pete
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