Deep Throat #7: On Being and Unbeing a Singer
He knew what he was doing when he looked at me and said, “Sing for me.” Had I been nude in his bed I would not have been as naked as I was then, stripped down to my brand new skin.
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Hanne Blank
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Christopher Gonzalez is the author of I'm Not Hungry but I Could Eat (SFWP). His work can be found in Poets & Writers online, Human Parts, Catapult, Electric Literature, The Nation, and elsewhere. He is a fiction editor at Barrelhouse and a recipient of a 2021 NYSCA/NYFA Artist Fellowship in Fiction. He lives in Brooklyn, NY but mostly on Twitter @livesinpages.
Deep Throat #6: On Being and Unbeing a Singer
The gulf between the place where I sang Mozart and Debussy with people my parents’ age and the place where I went to public school and tried to make friends with kids my own was vast.
Deep Throat #5: On Being and Unbeing a Singer
There is nothing I have experienced that is so physical, nothing that resonates in the bones and meat of a person like it does to make music with other people at that sort of level.
Deep Throat #4: On Being and Unbeing a Singer
It is not a coincidence that among the synonyms for “practice” is “ritual,” and for “ritual,” “practice.” When you do a thing over and over—even if it is only so…
Deep Throat #3: On Being and Unbeing A Singer
It would be easy and satisfying to say that I stopped singing because of the crack in my throat. It would be false. It’s true enough that there was one.…
Deep Throat #2: On Being and Unbeing A Singer
My face burned with rage, with shame, with humiliation. I was failing openly, blatantly, at the one thing I still somehow, in the back of my mind, expected to be perfectly capable of doing after more than a decade’s silence.
Deep Throat #1: On Being and Unbeing a Singer
When I shut my mouth I lost a part of myself so ingrained, so accustomed, so integral I had not even known it was possible to lose it.