Do you know what you’re saying? Do you really?
You may think you’re joking. I want to believe you’re joking, because haha, a man putting his hands on you is so funny in the reality from where you are communicating. Clearly, we have different definitions of funny, but perhaps you truly do find it amusing to joke about domestic violence. I am not here to judge you.
I am afraid you’re not joking. I’m afraid you are quite serious.
You are saying you are willing to be abused; you are willing to sacrifice your dignity.
For what?
You are impressed by some combination of a young man’s music, charisma, dancing ability, and/or good looks. That is understandable. Everybody’s got their something. However. You are also saying that suffering Chris Brown’s abuse would be a fair exchange for his attention, however fleeting you must know that attention would be. When you look past the image, a celebrity is just a person you know nothing about. Ultimately, you are saying you are willing to be abused for the mirage of fame in the desert of your life.
For people who enjoy S/M, there’s this thing called consent, which should always exist in human interactions, but which is exceedingly important when you entrust your body and mind to someone else in such ways. You can say, “I want you to hurt me,” or “I want you to humiliate me,” or “I want you to dominate me,” and someone else will do so. But, and this is important, when you say, in some form or fashion, stop, the pain or humiliation or domination stops, no questions asked. That is a powerful, perfect moment. There is nothing better than knowing the suffering can stop, than knowing you must endure but if you no longer wish to do so, you don’t have to because it is safe to withdraw your consent. There is nothing better than knowing you have some control in a situation that feels so far beyond your control.
When you tell a man like Chris Brown, at least the man he has shown himself to be, to stop, he won’t. With abuse there is no stopping. There is no consent. There is only suffering that will begin and end as he sees fit. You will never have any control. You will never know how good it feels to endure by your choice because that choice does not belong to you and never will. Do you understand? Do you see that distinction?
I don’t know Chris Brown. I have never met him and probably never will. I know his music. Sometimes, it’s catchy. Mostly, to my ears, it’s contrived and overproduced. I’ve seen him dance—he can work with choreography. He is reasonably attractive. I don’t really get it, to be honest, but I don’t need to get it. You likely wouldn’t understand who I find attractive, either. What I do understand is that Chris Brown means something to you, that he arouses you physically or emotionally. He arouses you to such an extent you are willing to do whatever it takes to be within his incandescent sphere for even a little while.
Did you read the police report from the infamous incident where Chris Brown beat his then-girlfriend Rihanna? The details are disturbing and graphic and leave the distinct impression that what took place on that night three years ago was not an isolated incident. If you were to “get with” Chris Brown, there’s a good chance he would hurt you and not in a way you would like because time and again he has shown he cannot control his rage. He would hardly be concerned with you at all. This is the man he has shown himself to be.
I am sorry our culture has treated women so poorly for so long that suffering abuse to receive celebrity attention seems like a fair and reasonable trade. We have failed you, utterly.
We failed you when Chris Brown received a slap on the wrist for his crime and was subsequently allowed to perform at the 2012 Grammy’s not once but twice. We failed you when he was awarded R & B Album of the Year at that same ceremony. This is not to say he has no right to move on from his crime but he has demonstrated not one ounce of contrition. Instead, he has flagrantly reveled in his bad boy persona and taunted the public at every turn. He’s young and troubled but that’s an explanation for his behavior, not an excuse.
We failed you when Charlie Sheen was allowed and eagerly encouraged to continue to star in movies and have a hit television show that basically printed him money after he shot Kelly Preston “accidentally” and he hit a UCLA student in the head when she wouldn’t have sex with him and he threatened to kill his ex-wife Denise Richards and he held a knife to his ex-wife Brooke Mueller’s throat. We failed you when Roman Polanski received an Oscar even though he committed a crime so terrible he hasn’t been able to return to the United States for more than thirty years. We failed you when Sean Penn fought violently with Madonna and continued a successful, critically acclaimed career and also received an Oscar.
We fail you every single time a (famous) man treats a woman badly, without legal, professional, or personal consequence.
Over and over again we tell you it is acceptable for men—famous, infamous, or not at all famous—to abuse women. We look the other way. We make excuses. We reward these men for their bad behavior. We tell you that as a young woman, you have little value or place in this society. Clearly we have sent these messages with such alarming regularity and consistency we have encouraged you to willingly run toward something violent and terrible with your eyes and arms wide open
I am sorry.
I’m not shocked by your willingness to suffer for nothing in return without the right to consent. That may be the saddest thing of all.
58 responses
thank you, roxane. you made good on all the words that have been swimming around in my angered brain since last night. hell, for the past two decades, actually… but brought to light in stark realism last evening.
thank you for writing this. thank you for explaining the difference between consent and abuse. thank you for showing that this isn’t an isolated situation, because everyone is making it seem like this has never happened before (we’ve forgotten the last time we swept it under the rug, clearly an effective method).
Let’s stop glorifying mass media promotion of violence against women by awarding them: http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/NoGrammyForChrisBrown/
Thank you for writing what so many of us have been thinking. This needed to be said, and you did it so well.
Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you. It needed to be said with this directness and compassion.
Thank you, Roxane.
I think the facts say everything: http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1606481/chris-brown-police-report-provides-details-altercation.jhtml
It wasn’t just one slap. He is a monster, punched her over and over and strangled her.
I was surprised that no men responded yet to this…it is so beautifully
articulated & tragically true.I also think there is a sense of tremendous
pressure for a lot of women taught to score the Alpha Male; i.e., wealth & the “charisma” of a man to whom money is no object. Often, when money IS
no object, everything else becomes object instead, ESPECIALLY people.
Again, thanks for a beautiful article!
Great piece. The idea of being beaten up “all night” by Brown is clearly based on some fantasy that has nothing to do with the terrifying reality of the police report i.e. having one’s face smashed into a window.
Yes. Thank you.
Thank you for writing this. Sometimes I think women are our own worst enemy. Why would they glamorize that?
I wonder if those women. Would also like him to call them a worthless piece of shit all night long, because thats usually the verbiage that comes along with those non consensual blows.
Thank you thank you thank you.
Very thoughtful, very well-written. Thank you.
Hey,
I really understand what you say and i thank you for this. I do completely agree with this,
but, I am a fan of Chris Brown. i like him as a singer but as a man, i’m not really sure. I believe women who say they would let him her them don’t understand the seriousness of what they said. His looks and voice aren’t enough to make up for a beating. What he did was wrong, very wrong. As a fan, I just hope it never happens again and i want to just move forward.
Hmm. I want to be up in arms about this, but I can’t because Chris Brown was a child when he committed his crime. The men listed in this blog were grown men who were neither found guilty, nor castigated by society in the least. What is worse is Chris was child who himself experienced domestic abuse. The Chris Brown angst is tiresome because it doesn’t highlight the bigger issue of one) how do FAMILIES heal from domestic abuse and two) at one point is the accused, the criminal, and the judged given an opportunity to be forgiven and walk out from the shadow of their past mistakes? Believe it or not, men (and women) who abuse their partners are our friends, brothers, nephews, dads. They’re not monsters. They’re relatives. What would reconciliation look if we DID NOT see them as outliers or create this dichotomy?
I think they were joking, Roxane. I appreciate the passion here (believe me, I do, more than you know), and I agree with everything you said about Brown and Sheen et al, but posting at The Rumpus is kind of preaching to the converted, and those women on Twitter? Were probably being about as serious as any of us (me, you, Isaac, Stephen, anybody) are when we’re posting on Twitter.
Yeah, domestic violence is tragic and awful, and it leaves physical and emotional scars that last a lifetime. I know this personally all too well. But does getting angry at these women convince them, or convince any potential or current victim of this kind of violence, that it’s serious, that there are ways out, that there are places you don’t want to go and people you don’t want to be with and it can get oh so much worse than you can possibly imagine?
I know you said you don’t judge, but it feels like you do. It feels like you think these are dumb little tramps who would give up their “dignity” for a night with a pop star. It might just be the way I read it and I apologize if my comprehension is a little slack tonight, but it feels like you are talking down to them. And talking down to silly little women is, well, I feel like it’s a little counterproductive.
I don’t know. I’m probably not expressing myself well and I’m sure I’m inviting a world of shit for posting this, but I feel like something…either the aim, or the tone, or something…is a little off.
Thank you for writing, though, Roxane.
I don’t think they were joking, I just think they’re terribly young and naive, and that they have become so desensitized to this as being horrible and abusive that the truth of it is unreachably far away, too far for them to grasp.
Maybe somebody could ask them.
Ray I appreciate your comment but perhaps you are projecting. Your comment reads like you were reading something entirely different from what I’ve written. I do not think they’re dumb little tramps. There is absolutely nothing in this essay, in tone or content, that suggests that sort of thing at all. I am not angry at these women nor do I express any anger toward them. Also, silly little women? Really? What…is that about? I also grow weary of this idea of preaching to the choir. Even the faithful go to church.
It saddens me that you see them that way. They are damaged young women and/or immature young women, whether they were kidding or not. I am angry at our culture. I am angry at anyone, man or woman, who thinks using violence is an acceptable way to deal with other human beings. The women who expressed these ideas are young women who live in a culture we think it’s okay to be treated like shit just so we can be loved. It breaks my heart and I know damn well where it comes from and there was a time when I would have said something so desperately sad. I am not talking down to these young women, but you kind of are. I am one hundred percent on their side.
Natacha, certainly abuse is a family problem and we do need to come up with better ways to help families heal from abuse. Chris Brown doesn’t get the “he’s a kid” pass. He beat Rihanna like a grown man and he deserves to be considered like a grown man. He needs help and a lot of it and he deserves to move on from his mistake but he consistently displays his rage and misogyny. He chooses not to move toward redemption and that is his right. I’m simply not going to look the other way.
Just to be clear, I wasn’t calling them “silly little women”, I was making reference to the fact that a lot of the commentary about them (starting at Gawker) takes that tone.
I don’t see them that way and I’m sorry if my imprecision made it seem that I was. I thought I was obviously arguing the case that as grown women, perhaps they are more aware of what they are saying than (I thought) you were giving them credit for.
As for “projecting”…I don’t really know what to say. I tried really hard to respond to your post as respectfully as possible. You don’t know what’s in my head, and you certainly don’t know my background on this topic, so please don’t assume that I am projecting anything beyond what I wrote.
Ray, it’s hard not to assume projection when you see anger toward the women where there is none. If they are aware of what they are saying, and I actually suggest that they are, it’s even worse. Isn’t it? I really feel like you are missing the point of what I wrote which is about a culture that encourages abusers and devalues young women.
Reading my way through this I actually started to think it may be written by a man. Alas no.
Damn. Thanks you for writing this.
Sorry for the grammar error! haha.
Thank you for addressing those statements about abuse. Although these girls were probably trying to be funny or just express how attractive they think Chris brown is, they were sending a message that abuse is tolerable for the right person. And most of us know that abuse is never okay.
Societal, cultural, and community messages routinely minimize and normalize partner abuse. Why do we expect young women to be the ones to resist this cultural norm? They engage in this kind of tough talk, bravado, and “humor” as a way to cope with being vulnerable. Sexism and misogyny are institutionalized and internalized by all of us. Instead of targeting these young women for their careless comments, let’s focus our indignation on the abuse, the abusers, and the fact that they are still not held accountable.
thank you for this, roxane. it’s interesting to see girls making remarks like this–the overt acceptance of cruelty. i was a girl who said, ‘i would *never* get involved with an abuser.’ and yet. i think i agree with what CH says: “they engage in this kind of tough talk, bravado, and ‘humor’ as a way to cope with being vulnerable.”
Thank you for writing this(and for drawing the distinction between BDSM and abuse). Powerful stuff.
Thank you for this. A compelling indictment of a culture that brushes over misogyny and abuse (especially where fame is involved).
Wait – Chris Brian was a “child” when he did this? It was 2009 and he was 20 years old. It was 3 years ago, not 20. And he has continued to show further anger control problems.
Interesting piece and interesting comments. I think that everyone can connect with this issue, and it is probably ok for us to do so in different ways. No matter our opinion on Roxanne’s particular take, this has been a great discussion to bring to the table for us all abused, abusers, and others to try to dialogue about these issues on an emotionally loaded holiday, where some of us get flowers and others of us bop along easily (happily? unthinkingly?) to Florence and the Machine: “a kiss with a fist is better than none…”
CH I agree. And my indignation is very much focused on abusers.
Why is it that it’s considered OK for a handsome man to behave this way?
Sadly, this reminds me of this comic:
http://fc08.deviantart.com/fs43/f/2009/141/a/b/stephenie__s_lesson_by_whitedog1.jpg
i don’t think roman polanski should have been lumped in with chris brown. he left the country because they were gonna hang his ass.
Maybe, Betsy, but it’s not like Polanski didn’t have a (metaphorical) hanging coming. I mean, he did drug and rape a thirteen year old girl. He ran away to escape jail time, and yet Hollywood has still found fit to give him awards for his artistry, which is kind of what Roxane is getting at here. Do we as a society so devalue women that we’re willing to honor someone who not only raped a child but then ran away from his punishment? I mean, if he’d served his time, then at least we could say he’d paid his debt to society, but he refused to do even that.
I am someone who used to do community theatre. At one point we toured around schools doing a play about domestic violence and at the end of the play we would have discussions with the kids about the subject and in most cases around 35-40% of young girls thought it was alright for their boyfriend to hit them under certain circumstances (slightly higher in private schools which surprised us)and many of those had already experienced being slapped by their partner.These were 16-18yr old girls, to say we were shocked by what we were hearing was an understatement so although most of those girls comments come across as tongue in cheek I personally think their is probably an air of truth about them.
@brian – we have statutory rape laws so i suppose what roman did was rape. it’s the subject of another conversation, though, so i probably should just let it be for now.
it feels like we as a culture are becoming increasingly violent, and this current batch of girls is growing up in it, trying to figure stuff out.
the new PETA ad is about the most distasteful thing i’ve viewed in a while. i’m a PETA member but am reconsidering where to put my money. even they are getting on the violence chuckwagon.
Betsy, I don’t know about the PETA ad, but I will say that event hough it may feel like we’re becoming more violent as a culture, pretty much every measure of violence shows the opposite, and shows that it’s been that way for a long time. Steven Pinker’s done a lot of good research on this. We’re more horrified by acts of violence now than we were in the past. To use Chris Brown as an example, 30 years ago, Brown wouldn’t have faced much backlash at all, and his defenders would have been even more vocal than they were this time. And if he’d done it 50 years ago, no one would have batted an eye. But today, Brown and the Grammys get a well-deserved protest. It’s not enough, and I don’t want to suggest it is, but it’s better than it has been in the past.
As far as Polanski goes, statutory or not, it was rape. He drugged a 13 year old girl and had sex with her. She was unable to give consent. That’s rape.
As a young woman of about the same age as a lot of the girls in question seem to be (a few years older), I admit I do see some merit to Ray Shea’s point about joking. I hear a lot of these kinds of comments made on a regular basis, often rather facetiously and insincerely. However, I don’t think that Roxane looks down at the girls who posted these things* and I definitely agree with her. It’s extremely disturbing that all of this is a humorous matter for at least some of these girls, and the instinct to want to make jokes about what is abuse, plain and simple, points to something very unhealthy and very sad in the way that we as women see ourselves, particularly in relation to people that society tells us we ought to admire. I don’t think that the girls who posted these things to Twitter are desensitized to violence so much as unaware of its reality, unable to conceive of how brutal and extreme it is, and unable to recognize that it’s not a laughing matter or something to turn into a flippant, 140-character bit on Twitter or a quick Facebook status; and the lessons they learn about men growing up are a huge part of that. I also agree with Roxane that it’s incredibly worrisome how quickly and eagerly we exonerate men who abuse women on the basis of their fame, even when they do nothing in the public or private arenas to deserve our forgiveness.
*by the way, “…Even the faithful go to church†is a hell of a line.
Bravo. This was a very well done article. I’ve been shocked by the ignorance in today’s world (I’m 22). There are some things I like about our culture but there are things I am definitely not a fan of. This is one of them. We need a change.
I appreciate the content and compassionate tone of this article, so please forgive me for only commenting on one sentence which I disagree with 🙂
because time and again he has shown he cannot control his rage.
I would recommend reading Lundy Bancroft’s book “Why does he do that?” about domestic abuse. LB’s career for many years was in working with male abusers and he came to learn about the patterns of thinking behind domestic abuse.
Something I learned from this book is that “Cannot control his rage”, or “anger management issues” is an excuse that abusers are happy to buy into.
The fact is that in most cases they DO control their rage if they think it’s going to get them into big enough trouble. If there was someone standing by them with a gun, saying “hurt her and you’re dead”, would they still hurt someone? Most would not. Most would “discover” in that situation that they were well capable of controlling their actions.
(Another piece of evidence for the truth of this is the way that many abusers limit themselves to bruises that won’t show. They’re already thinking ahead to escaping the consequences even as they injure someone.)
According to LB, the root of domestic abuse is not anger: it’s a belief that the abusers are entitled to knock “their woman”* around, and to other kinds of better treatment than she gets. Unfortunately there’s enough agreement for that out in the wider culture that the abuser can often find some kind of backing for that view or a bit of sympathy for their excuses.
It’s the job of all of us to supply their motivation to stop, by making clear that it’s not acceptable and it will get them into big trouble. And I think that has to include not buying into “I was too angry” as part of the story.
* Not denying that abuse can happen in either direction in couples of any gender, but male-on-female violence gets some particular flavours of cultural validation as a function of sexism.
Thanks for this. I quoted you in my own blog over at http://www.popculturefeminism.com. I think the more talk that we do about this the more awareness that can be raised!!
According to LB, the root of domestic abuse is not anger: it’s a belief that the abusers are entitled to knock “their womanâ€* around, and to other kinds of better treatment than she gets.
I haven’t read Bancroft’s book and obviously she’s studied this more than I have, but that quote strikes me as a little too pat and definitely doesn’t match my limited anecdotal experience. It may be true in many cases, but I don’t believe it can be stated as a rule like this.
Abusers and batters can and do stop, agreed. Through therapy or whatever. What is key is that it is not the victim’s job, the victim’s responsibility, or the victim’s mission to make them stop, no matter how much they think they love them. It’s the victim’s job to get his or her ass to a safe place. It’s the abuser’s job to get the help needed to stop.
It’s much like dealing with an addict in this regard. You can’t cure the addict with love, or reason. You can point them toward help, and then you need to tend to your own happiness and safety, and whether they grab onto that help or not is their problem, not yours.
Bancroft is a he (pardon), and has a website: http://www.lundybancroft.com/
Thanks for this… I actually got into a huge argument about this topic this morning.
People were laughing at another article talking about Chris Brown and how they weren’t okay with him performing at the Grammys.
http://hellogiggles.com/im-not-okay-with-chris-brown-performing-at-the-grammys-and-im-not-sure-why-you-are
Now, my issue is the fact they were making a joke out of it. How he ‘made a mistake’ which was written multiple times by no less than 3 different people – 2 of them women nonetheless. The guy tried to convince me that there are many shades of grey when it comes domestic violence and I wasn’t there so I shouldn’t judge. (I think the police report and the pictures of Rihanna speak for themselves.We didn’t need to be there)
But he told me I should ‘get off my podium’.
It’s quite obvious what he did wasn’t an accident.
Like you stated in your article, this most likely was not his first offence. Most likely won’t be his last. The public tantrums he has thrown, the TODAY interview? She looks absolutely terrified. And any woman who has been in that terrifying position knows it isn’t a joke.
We know. We know that feeling of absolute helplessness and terror.
Domestic violence isn’t a joke.
@brian – yeah, i’m in over my head. sorry.
Thank you for calling out what our tolerance, acceptance and glorification of “bad boys” accomplishes.
And while we do have a duty to stop abuse, it does not absolve the abuser. They know better. They are adults. They do it because they can get away with it. We need to stop letting them get away with it.
Nice lead into a discussion about abuse aimed at women. Sometimes the lines of different worlds intersect. Sometime the lines of consent and subjugation blur. Say that of street life and celebrity culture. During the late 1980’s I rented a small back office on 29th street between 10th and 11th avenues in N.Y.C.. This is a few blocks south of the Lincoln Tunnel. The territory of street hookers. When I would go in to work early in the morning, say 7:30, I would get off the bus and walk to the corner deli/lunch counter, get coffee, and watch the changing of the “girl’s” shift from night to day. One morning as I crossed 10th avenue, a couple of women and their pimp arrived outside the deli as I did. Their object of attention was another hooker. The pimp, without yelling or any warning viciously beat that woman to the sidewalk. I have sat 3 rows in at a Leon Spinks prize fight, but the quickness, the viciousness, the sounds, and blood letting of that street beating made the heavyweight fight look like ballet. Police were called from the deli, but the scene was gone by the time they got there. Stunning enough to be that close to something that was so violent and fast. That same woman, with a pair of crutches and bruised face (I guess she got more later) was back out working the streets the next morning. Now I am sure that those young ladies who tweeted they would let the latest bad boy music star beat them have no Idea what a real beating is like. I don’t have any heros, but John Lennon comes close to that title for me, and I would recommend reading his lyrics…”Woman Is The Nigger of the World”.. It’s an old song, 40 years or so, but he nailed it.
I agree with Ray Shea’s comment about the tone, and I found the writer’s response unnecessarily defensive and somewhat insulting. The writer may not have intended it, but that doesn’t mean “There is absolutely nothing in this essay, in tone or content, that suggests” condescension or anger. Lines like “Do you know what you’re saying? Do you really?” imply that the writer thinks that the young women do not understand what they’re saying, that she knows something that they don’t. Phrasing like “there’s this thing called consent” doesn’t suggest to me that she views the young women as equals. Similarly, “young ladies” may be reminiscent of parental scoldings.
I suspect that the format contributes to the problem. The writer is directly addressing the young women, so what we read is a monologue with a lot of “you”s in it, and that may be read by some as a lecture. People who teach assertive communication techniques, or counselors helping people talk calmly about difficult topics, suggest using “‘I’ messages” rather than “you,” because the latter tends to make people feel attacked. Maybe that goes toward explaining why I (not a Chris Brown fan, by the way) felt as though I were being shamed while I was reading this.
I would be surprised if the writer did *not* harbor some anger for the young women who tweeted about Chris Brown, as they seem to make light of brutal assault. As a crisis-line worker, and as someone who has witnessed domestic violence, I find it hard to see humor in what they say, and I’m angry and frustrated by their insensitivity. I feel offended on behalf of women who face real life-and-death battles in their own homes on a regular basis.
Despite the crossed wires, I found the writer’s apology to the women to be moving and thought-provoking. I’m grateful to her for the reminder that attitudes like those of these young women do not come out of nowhere: societal failure to uphold women’s rights and to punish high-profile perpetrators of domestic assault has far-reaching consequences.
When we as a society continue to give these men money, esteem, and a platform, what are girls and young women (and boys and young men) to think? Coming from an older generation, I know that after I heard of James Brown’s repeated domestic assaults, I was never able to hear his music the same way again, and I never gave him a dime of my money. Perhaps needless to say, I won’t soon be buying anything Chris Brown has to sell either.
I think it is very important to understand that blame goes with both parties. There is no way that anyone can really attempt to justify Chris Brown’s abuse of Rihanna. However, it is fair that we are supposed to now say that he cannot win a Grammy. Just because he wins and performs does not mean that anyone is condoning his actions, they are simply separating the man from the music. If we were not able to separate the work from the person we would not be able to look back at the achievements of many of our presidents who owned slaves or were blatantly racist.
It is not up to these institutions to save people from themselves. Society has somewhat failed these young girls and a few of those older women. They have also failed themselves. I believe everyone has the capacity to be reasonable…if you read the report of his abuse and still say things like “please punch me” then I cannot say that you deserve any better. When you are the victim, you are often in a situation where you have no choice. These girls are saying that they want that no choice and I will not blame Chris Brown for their reasoning.
“if you read the report of his abuse and still say things like “please punch me†then I cannot say that you deserve any better.”
This bewilders and scares me. So if a woman says to you ‘punch me in the face’ and knows you’ve done it before, it’s okay to punch her in the face, is that it? I feel like that logic is very flawed. While it’s true that people should be able to reason things out- he hurt someone, therefore, he can’t be a very good person- it is still our duty as a collective to work to help those people who never reach the endpoint of reasoning.
Of course we don’t police one another, that’s not possible, but by continuing to condone Chris Brown- letting him swagger around, live up his bad boy status, sell his albums- they make the problem that much worse. There is no keeping the artist from the art, though I hesitate to call what Chris Brown does ‘art’. He can follow choreography and sing on key. He is nothing special. There are many others just like him.
I digress, however- if we were truly able to cut the creator from what they created, then John Lennon’s songs would be amazing because of their messages, not because they were created by John Lennon. Ulysses would stand on its own two feet instead of relying on James Joyce to function. Those personal details and bits of self make some art what it is and no matter how much one might wish the two could be viewed empirically, it’s simply not possible. There will always be someone who equates artist with art.
Don’t forget Bill Clinton. Nobody ever remembers the rape accusation- they’re mad about the consensual blow job. I think it’s mostly denial. People just don’t want to believe their heroes are bad guys.
This is beautifully written. I used as a reference (and linked to it) in my response to a SPIN Magazine article about Rihanna’s recent decision to collaborate with Chris Brown, and how detrimental that decision could be to the thoughts of young men and women on relationships and domestic violence. You can check it out at the URL below. Thank you so much, Ms. Gay.
http://bloggerphobic.com/2012/02/22/why-spin-is-wrong-about-rihanna/
Miles Davis beat women.
S&M relashioships do exist, but there’s something called consentment.
there are some really fucked up realtionships in which heavy damage is dealt, but there is always consentment.and it can be stopped. anytime,
the one who wrote this article has spoken truthfully.
Thank you
beautifully said. i read girls’ my age postings on facebook saying they would let him beat them. i read it and am amazed myself– why would you place yourself beneath him? it is soo sad to see so many lost girls and women. i cry for them, and have a burning desire to change this.
i’m a feminist.
i am a chris brown fan myself but i would never let him lay hands on me because i was taught better than that even if you love them i am in love with chris brown i have gone crazy i get jealous of every girl he dates except for rihanna because i loved her way before they were together she is like one of the two celebrities i can’t get mad at the other is chris brown anyway like i was saying i would never let a man hit me no matter what he is a celebrity or the person i love the most do not let anybody hit you no matter what. just dropped a major bomb on ya
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