Ted Wilson Reviews the World #145


★★★★★ (5 out of 5)

Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing clouds.

There are good clouds and there are bad clouds. The good clouds are in the shape of bunnies and block out the sun at just the right times. The bad clouds have tornadoes hanging from them and electrocute people with bolts of lightning. Even the bad clouds do some good. They can bring rain to areas that really need it, and they can kill people who wanted to die anyway. This is why I like clouds so much: you never know what they might do.

The best cloud I ever saw was one that looked a lot like Milton Berle having drinks with Jackie Gleason. As it traveled across the sky it slowly turned into Milton Berle having drinks with John Belushi, and then Milton Berle having drinks with Joseph Merrick. Finally it became Milton Berle drinking alone.

Clouds have many great qualities but the greatest is that they can fly. Between that and the ability to shapeshift, clouds are essentially superheroes (except that they take more lives than they save).

Fog makes me sad because it reminds me of a cloud that fell to the ground and got stuck and then everyone started blinding it with their high beams. And then Jack the Ripper started murdering prostitutes inside of it. What a depressing end for a cloud.

Probably the best ending for a cloud would be if the wind blew so strong that it blew the cloud right out into space. I’m not sure if that’s possible, but nature can amaze. Such a cloud would be the first of its kind. It would be an astronaut cloud. And if it was able to escape Earth’s orbit and travel to other planets, and if it were in the shape of a bunny, aliens would think a giant bunny had come to attack them. That would be a funny practical joke.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing ice cream.

Ted Wilson is a musician, good friend, and widower. His website iamtedwilson.com features all of his reviews (even the banned ones), exciting videos, a live interview with Ted on the radio, and interviews with some of the world's top celebrities! More from this author →