ted flat

Ted Wilson Reviews the World #153

By

INFINITY
★★★★★ (2 out of 5)

Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing infinity.

Infinity is what would happen if you kept adding one to something and never stopped. The etymology of the word probably is that it’s a typo, and was supposed to say unfinite. (The i and the u are right next to each other on a typewriter.)

It sounds impressive to imagine having an infinite amount of something. French fries, for instance. But then imagine having to eat them all. You would get sick long before you ever reached the nonexistent end of them. Having an infinite amount of money sounds neat, too, but I bet that would really mess with the economy. No one really knows exactly how the economy works, or if they do they aren’t telling the people in charge, but I think an infinite amount of money would be harmful. So while on the surface infinity sounds like a cool thing, it’s destructive if you look more closely.

The only case I can think of where infinity would be a good thing is if you slipped and fell into a hole that was infinitely deep, because then you would never smack into the bottom. Instead, you would just starve to death as you fell.

There is a car called an Infinity and I’m not sure why. Everything about it is finite. I think anyone who bought one of those should sue for false advertising. I bet the owners of those cars feel an almost infinite amount of disappointment every time he or she looks at the name on the car and imagines all the things it could have been.

The opposite of infinity is zero. Or, for those who aren’t good with math, think of it as the opposite of forever is never, which is how often infinity usually happens. Except today I realized there is one thing in the universe that is infinite: my reviews of the world. Each time I review something, I can then review that review. And that review. And so on, forever.

Please join me next week when I will be reviewing my review of infinity.


Ted Wilson was an accountant for over 40 years at Rockville Insura-Best, Inc. After his wife died he figured that would be the end of things. But fate took a surprising turn and now he's a member of the Ryan Montbleau Band for which he plays tuba and harpsichord. Be Ted's Twitter friend! More from this author →