★★★★★ (1 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing Mitt Romney.
First, I would like to apologize to Mitch Romney, a man who lives two towns over from me and I mistook for the similarly-named Mitt Romney, who is one of my opponents in the bid for the Presidency. While I did not say anything publicly about Mitch, I did have some mean thoughts, and once, while driving past his house, I caught him mowing his lawn and I glared at him. I don’t typically do such things, but this Presidential campaign I’ve been running has been stressing me out. Mitch, I’m sorry.
Anyway, this review is about Mitt. First, I think it’s deceptive of Mitt to have a name so similar to Mitch. I looked through several phone books and there are a number of Mitch Romneys in the country. This is no coincidence. Mitt’s given name is actually Willard but he chose to use his middle name of Mitt.
Clearly, this is a tactic to redirect the ire of Mitt’s critics to innocent American citizens with unfortunate names. Mitch Romneys all around the country are being hassled because of Mitt Romney’s tricky name games. Also at risk are all the Mipp Romneys, Rich Momneys, Tipp Mormoms, and Brit Morins of our nation.
Voters with names similar to Mitt’s, who are also running for President are likely to accidentally cast their vote in his favor. If when I vote, there is a candidate named Tad Winslow, it’s quite possible I might mistakenly select him. Fortunately for me there is no such candidate, but what if there were?
Like the voter ID registration laws, this is just another type of underhanded voter manipulation. It may not account for too many votes, but every bit helps. Obviously Mitt doesn’t feel confident he can win on his own merits.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing cabbage. Unless I am elected President, in which case I may have to stop reviewing the world. By the way, please vote Wilson/Huggins 2012!