Ted Wilson Reviews the World #170


Super Bowl XLVII
★★★★★ (2 out of 5)

Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing the Super Bowl XLVII.

If you don’t already know, the Super Bowl is where two teams play football together and each one hopes the other loses. Personally, I don’t find it to be very good sportsmanship to always be rooting for your opponent to lose but then again, I’m not a professional athlete, so what do I know.

This year it was the Ravens (I suspect named after Edgar Allen Poe’s poem) versus the 49ers (I couldn’t find any poems with this title). One team won and the other lost.

Unfortunately I didn’t actually see the game because my television broke just as I turned it on. (I later learned that too much pre-game wine mixed with what I thought was my asthma medication but wasn’t, had caused me to mistake my microwave for my television.) But the Super Bowl is too important to not review, so the best I can do is review the period of time I experienced while the Super Bowl happened.

I spent a good deal of time confused and frustrated. I kept pressing the big button on the television/microwave but that just made the screen/door open up and there was no game inside. I’d never seen my television do that before.

The remote control (banana) didn’t help at all, and when I opened it up to change the batteries, it got all over my hands. Seeing my dreams of becoming a senior citizen hand model disappear before my eyes, I ran to the emergency room thinking I had battery acid all over my hands.

While sitting in the waiting area of the ER, I was able to catch the music video portion of the Super Bowl. There was a very pretty and energetic woman singing but I couldn’t understand what her song was about. It sure was a lot of fun to look at though.

The doctor I met with told me my hands were fine and sent me home. On the walk back, I could hear people screaming. Either someone was being bludgeoned to death or they were watching the Super Bowl. I hope it was the latter.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing alligators.

Ted Wilson is a musician, good friend, and widower. His website iamtedwilson.com features all of his reviews (even the banned ones), exciting videos, a live interview with Ted on the radio, and interviews with some of the world's top celebrities! More from this author →