Ted Wilson Reviews the World #172


★★★★★ (2 out of 5)

Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing Google Glasses.

The website Google recently invented a pair of computer glasses. They can do everything that today’s smartphone can do, but do it even closer to your face. It’s a new invention that isn’t available to the public and I got to test out a pair!

“Pair” probably isn’t the right word because the glasses come with only one lense, which technically makes them a monocle. That seems like kind of a big mistake for a website like Google to make. I would have thought someone would catch an error like that. Hopefully someone who works there will read this review and make the correction.

They look like what you would imagine a pair of glasses from the future would look like, only they aren’t from the future, they’re from now. This confuses the senses at first, but once you get past that, then they just look like something a surgeon might wear while operating.

The glasses have a camera on the front so I didn’t risk looking at myself in the mirror while wearing them, for fear that doing so might create a feedback loop and cause them to malfunction. I also didn’t look in the mirror because I assumed I looked like an awesome doctor from the future and I didn’t want to do anything that might ruin that illusion.

Disappointingly, there is no keyboard that attaches to the glasses, or if there is, mine didn’t come with one. I tried hooking up my own keyboard but there was no plug. It was a very frustrating process. Hooking up my mouse didn’t work either. That’s one area where Google could improve these.

Instead of a keyboard or mouse, the glasses are operated by talking to them. It made me feel less lonely, like I had a personal assistant who would do whatever I wanted, as long as the things I wanted involved sending emails or finding photographs of things on the internet. If you ask the glasses to see through a woman’s top or make you fly, they won’t do that.

If they wanted to take this one step further, it would be great if the glasses talked back to me. If I were to say something like, “Glasses, please find me a restaurant,” the glasses could respond with, “I will if you want, but won’t you feel sad eating in a restaurant alone?” That’s when I would say, “I’m not alone. I’ve got you, Google Glasses.”

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Peter Scolari.

Ted Wilson is a musician, good friend, and widower. His website iamtedwilson.com features all of his reviews (even the banned ones), exciting videos, a live interview with Ted on the radio, and interviews with some of the world's top celebrities! More from this author →