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Ted Wilson Reviews the World #211

By

HUNGER FIRE
★★★★★ (2 out of 5)

Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing Hunger Fire.

I recently attended a screening of the exciting new film Hunger Fire! It stars a young female superhero named Curtis who has perfect aim just like Robin Hood. I remember Robin Hood laughing a lot but this girl is very serious. I would have enjoyed more levity. Also, the volume was too loud for my taste so I had to keep my fingers in my ears the whole time. It made it hard to hear things but it was good exercise for my arms. I feel like I can see the difference in my biceps.

The plot is basically a combination of After Earth (starring Will Smith Jr.) and Back to the Future (starring Crispin Glover). The characters have to make their way through the dangers of the jungle and there is also a big lightning clock tower. I would have preferred to see a movie that combined The Pursuit of Happyness with Teen Wolf.

Curtis has a sidekick named Peter. He doesn’t have any powers and seems to be more of a liability. He’s not very tall or charming and I’m not sure what she sees in him. It may be one of those relationships where she wants to get away from him but is worried if she leaves he may hurt himself.

There are a lot of opportunities for Curtis to let him die and I’m not entirely sure why she doesn’t. It would be an easy out. If she moved a little slower or her aim was just a little bit off, that might be the end of him. The two are always in danger and I suspect that may be what fuels their relationship.

Some people thrive on drama and aren’t comfortable when things are calm and healthy. I once dated a woman who would turn everything into a drama. She’d crouch down in the car anytime we drove anywhere, and scream at me if I neared the police station. She always got shaky and nervous whenever I opened the curtains and would violently pull them closed and warn me that I should know better. I wanted to break things off but I didn’t need to. One day I came home to find that her bedroom door had been broken down and she was gone.

Because of my past experiences with drama-filled relationships, this movie made me very uncomfortable. I wanted to stand up and scream, “You’re no good for each other!” I didn’t because it’s inappropriate to talk during a movie.

Stanley Tucci is in this film and he wears a funny wig. Lenny Kravitz is also in this movie and there’s nothing funny about him. I was disappointed he didn’t sing any of his songs. My favorite is a song called “Eleutheria.” I like it because it looks like ‘euthanasia’ and that’s what I wished had happened to Curtis’ sidekick.

The best part of the movie was the ending. I don’t want to spoil it for you if you haven’t seen the film yet, but I’m going to anyway because I don’t want you to be deceived the way I was. Curtis wins. They really made it seem like she was going to die the entire time but she didn’t.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing aspirin.


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