1. Your submissions, although numerous in quantity, lack the quality of experience we are currently looking for. Go outside. Say nothing for fifty years. Listen. Then, and only then, write something new and send it our way.
2. I AM THE HIGH PRIESTESS JADE FEMINISTA VON HARPY. I AM THE EDITOR OF ALL HUMANITY. WHO DARES DISTURB HER ROYALNESS WITH THE PETTY RAMBLINGS OF MEN?
3. *GIF of woman laughing awkwardly*
4. Perhaps I’ll give you a writing prompt for your next one? How about 5,000 words where you don’t use “I” or “he”—not even once.
5. New mag, who dis?
And don’t forget to buy your White Male Writer’s Tears mug!
