Remember when you used to read funny things on the Internet and print them out? Me neither. But I guess I did, because I just was rooting around in some old files and found this piece of paper on which is printed one of them goofy craigslist ads. May have even been before Best of Craigslist, which is why I must have read it with a chuckle, murmured “got to save this one,” and hit PRINT. And then stuck it in my closet for seven years.
But I was on the right track, because I tried finding it again online, maybe on a blog, or perhaps even a livejournal. Guess what? Nuthin! Praise be to my anticipatory archival instincts and typesetting abilities for preserving this important material for posterity:
newyork.craigslist.org > housing swap > Christian Gun Owner Seeks Young Man to Help Around House
$350 / Christian Gun Owner Seeks Young Man to Help Around House
Reply to: [email protected]
Date: Sat Nov 9 00:17:20 2002I am a proud, freedom loving American in search of a young man to help out around the house. My wife died early this year and left behind myself and our 17 year old daughter. We are looking for someone to help out with chores around the house. In exchange you will pay $350 a month to live in the master bedroom.
The room is 25’x20′ with its own private bath. It also has hardwood floors, a large bay window that faces the ocean, a frie place and comes fully furnihsed with a big screen TV and a stereo.
The chores include taking out the trash and feeding the dog, Rufus. You will also have full kitchen access and are invited to eat together with my daughter and I. But don’t you dare lay a hand on my little girl. She may look a lot older than she is, but I guarantee you she is young and innocent and doesn’t need a funny business in her life. If you touch her in a way that I think is inappropriate, I swear on my honor as a Marine and a Christian, I will make you sorry you ever hit puberty. Remember, every Marine is a trained rifleman.
This is perfect for a college student or an honest, god-fearing young man who needs a place to call home. Foreigners and other terrorist types not welcome.
Before you come by, ask yourself these questions — Can I disassemble and clean a 1903 Springfield? An HK MP-5? An AR-15? A 1911 Colt .45? If so, how fast? Is that fast enough? Can I improve? How? Remember, these are important life skills, not just chores.
