“WHY I WANT TO VISIT HAWAII” BY FELICIA MCCARTHY
★★★★★ (2 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing “Why I Want to Visit Hawaii” by Felicia McCarthy.
On my way to the pawn shop I found a crumpled paper stuck to my shoe – a hand-written essay by one Felicia McCarthy. Normally I don’t read things by authors I’m unfamiliar with, because if I haven’t heard of them, how good could it be? But I had also gotten lost and figured it would be a good way to occupy myself while I waited for someone to find me.
This essay gives great insight into why Felicia wants to visit Hawaii. I learned a lot about Felicia, but very little about Hawaii. First, Felicia’s boyfriend Marcus lives there. (She doesn’t mention which island, and I get the impression she may think Hawaii is a single island.) Marcus appears to be her primary motivation for wanting to visit. They’ve never met, but communicate through text messages and the internet. I hear that’s how people date these days.
She goes on and on about him and it gets a little tiring. “Marcus has his own car. Marcus says I won’t have to work. Marcus plays guitar and saxophone and is starting a band. Marcus says he looks like a more mature Tom Cruise.” Felicia’s willingness to travel so far to meet Marcus is an obvious testament to his worth, and detailing all his strengths just seems redundant.
She’s especially interested in getting to meet Marcus’s daughters. “I love kids, but I’m not ready to be a mom yet. Even though I really, really want some babies. Marcus has six daughters and sees them every few months. That’s cool because I won’t have to spend too much time with them.”
One of the non-Marcus offerings of Hawaii is the lack of Felicia’s dad. I’m not sure why she wants to get away – he sounds very caring. “Today I woke up and my dad was going through my dresser. He said he saw a bug go in there and was trying to kill it for me, but I think he was looking for money.” Why would her dad need money? He’s an adult. I only hope Marcus is as willing to kill for Felicia as her dad is.
Felicia mentioned that Hawaii has volcanoes, although she’s scared of them and has recurring nightmares where she’s being attacked by a lava monster named Volcanus. This is more about why she wouldn’t want to visit and really goes against the theme of the paper. She should have had an editor.
It’s possible the ending to this paper redeems it, but I’ll never know because it’s been stained with water and the rest is illegible. As it stands I can’t give it any more stars.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Pinocchio (the character, not the story).
