★★★★★ (3 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing forest fires.
I’ve started more forest fires than I’d care to admit. These were embarrassing moments of carelessness, induced by an unreasonable sense of optimism. I never imagined I could single-handedly decimate acres of land, but my imagination has never been very good. I certainly don’t like thinking of all the squirrels and bunnies that have perished, but knowing they were powerless to stop me is exhilarating.
By no means am I suggesting anyone intentionally start a forest fire. But if one were to, completely by accident, there’s no sense in worrying about what can’t be undone. Make the best of a bad situation. Sit back and soak in the experience, because after all, it’s an opportunity one will have once, maybe up to six times in a life.
There are benefits to forest fires even to those not responsible. For instance, a recently contained forest fire is a great source of freshly cooked meat. Free meat is important in today’s economic climate. Not only can one find all the regular woodland creatures, but there is also the possibility for less legal and culturally unacceptable meats. I like to keep a picnic set in the trunk of my car, ready at a moment’s notice.
On the downside, the loss of all those trees might mean hundreds of pieces of Ikea furniture the world will never be able to assemble and enjoy temporarily before discarding on a sidewalk or giving away through Craigslist to someone else who will eventually discard it on a sidewalk.
It’s also a sad time for people who live near the fire and are forced to evacuate their homes. But at least it causes them to really evaluate what’s important in their lives by reducing their belongings to the essentials. It’s a great way to purge.
While forest fires can be bad, they’re not nearly the dire experiences Smokey the Bear makes them out to be.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Garth Brooks.