MY VALENTINE’S DATE
★★★★★ (2 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing my Valentine’s Date.
I save Valentine’s Day for my sweet, departed Rosie. Each year I set a place for her at the table and cook up two frozen Meals on Wheels dinners. I miss her, but I know it’s important to move on, so I still date. Last Friday was an early Valentine’s date!
When I found a woman on an internet dating website that my nephew suggested called Fornidate, I was overly optimistic about her resemblance to Rosie. I thought there was a chance it was Rosie come back to me. I didn’t question how. It could have been science, the supernatural, or God admitting he never should have taken her.
She didn’t look exactly like Rosie, so I also considered that Rosie had maybe faked her death and then gotten plastic surgery. (Rosie talked about faking her death a lot, which made it really hard for me to come to terms with her loss.) Now she was going by the name Tootie4eva420. She responded to my email immediately and we set up a time to meet. I didn’t tell her who I was because I wanted to surprise her!
We met up in a parking lot, in her rented Seabreeze. In person, she looked even less like my wife, and was far more outgoing sexually. “Don’t you recognize me,” I asked. “You’re dat guy from my computer?” She was far less eloquent than Rosie, but I still thought there was a chance it might be her, so I went along with things.
She didn’t waste any time. She was naked before I could get my contacts out. That’s when I knew she was probably not Rosie. Rosie would never have gotten a tattoo, and definitely not in the spot this woman had one. I didn’t even know it was legal to put tattoos there.
Another indication this wasn’t Rosie was her lovemaking technique. I would describe it as anger met with hurriedness. Time was a consideration given the publicness of our display, but I prefer Rosie’s tenderness. That’s one of the many things I miss about her. This woman didn’t even compare. For the record, I’ve never been into casual relationships, but I think this time I just wanted to believe so badly.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Schindler’s List.
