Dad,
Thanks so much for your most recent email! It’s been awhile since we’ve last spoken (no hard feelings, it was White Sox season, I know), so I can hardly express how great it was to see your name in my inbox, especially once I saw the subject line.
“Interesting article,” eh? I’m still chuckling over that “Is Feminism Over?” op-ed you sent when I declared my Women’s Studies major as well as that piece on how many single women get murdered in New York City every year (answer: A lot!). I was especially touched by the Entertainment Weekly article you sent about America’s acceptance of gay characters on television; however, might I mention again, Dad, I am still not a lesbian.
This time you really hit the nail on the head: “Worried about a moody teen? Mental illness often starts in adolescence” has exactly the blend of concern and humor I love best about my old man. When you used to ask me if I was crazy, I always told myself that—just because your tone was a little more harsh than usual—it didn’t mean that you weren’t actually wondering about my emotional development. Just like the father in the article, who had heard that girls were very moody and emotional and so assumed that his daughter’s repeated suicide attempts were “just a phase,” you were probably surprised by my interest in expressing my feelings as well as by my failures in both romantic relationships and team sports. Who wouldn’t be?! But now, judging by this hyperlink sent to me completely without context, it really seems like you’re trying to understand my side of the story. I hope you’ve seen Growing Pains, Dad, because these days you’re a regular Dr. Jason Seaver!
Speaking of growth, since when do you read The Wall Street Journal?
Thanks again for the email, Pops. Even when I’m halfway across the country, I can always count on you to make me feel at home.
Still your little girl,
M
P.S. Yeah, Mom is still dating that substitute teacher. I agree, what a whore.
**
Please submit your own funny writing to funnywomen AT therumpus dot net. See first: Funny Women Submission Guidelines.
To read other Funny Women pieces and interviews, see the archives.
