Now more than ever, NPR could use your help. Facing federal cutbacks, we rely on our listeners to donate, and we’re pleased to offer some great premiums in return for your generosity. Please review our categories below and consider giving at whatever level your income allows.
Giving Levels:
“The Supporter”
$10 a month
Choose to support NPR for just ten dollars a month and receive our beautiful BPA-free stainless steel coffee mug as a token of our gratitude.
“The Booster”
$25 a month
Give to NPR at the twenty-five dollar level and receive a handsome NPR baseball cap as well as one CD of your choice from our eclectic pack.
“The Champion”
$50 a month
Ever had a vague feeling that you can’t discover the meaning at the heart of your own existence? For just $50 a month, that feeling will vanish, never to return.
“The Superstar”
$100 a month
Enjoy the reportage of Sam Simon? Nina Totenberg? Lakshmi Singh? For one-hundred dollars a month you may choose any news correspondent to spend a weekend in Big Sur with you. Once you arrive at the Nepenthe resort, you’ll close your suite doors and anything goes. Cosplay? BDSM? That thing where one of you dresses as a baby and the other one dresses as a snowman? None of our business. It’s your time. With this package, you’ll also receive a pack of fifteen dildos, specially selected for you by puzzle-master Will Shortz.
“Knight Of The Round Table”
$1000 dollars a month
Ever wanted to kill a man? Shhhhhh.
“Big Daddy”
$10,000 dollars a month
For ten-thousand dollars a month, you’ll awaken on a jet. You don’t know where you are going, but you feel sure it’s somewhere better than you’ve been. Also on the plane: Michelle Obama, Justin Timberlake, and the stingray that killed Steve Irwin. You will all be dropped deep into a labyrinthine Peruvian cavern with one week’s worth of food and a single flashlight. Who will survive? Who will perish? What will you learn about yourself? Who are we anyway?
“Honcho”
$50,000 a month
You will command the universe with your thoughts. No obstacles shall present themselves to you. You may take the form of any other being. You may travel amongst the planets without restriction. When the saints sleep, they will mumble your name. All realms shudder at the greatness of your presence. It will all be revealed. You shall never die.
Tote bag.
***
Please submit your own funny writing to our Rumpus submission manager powered by Submittable. See first: our Funny Women Submission Guidelines.
To read other Funny Women pieces and interviews, see the archives.
