Things Women Have Said to Me in Brothels


How’s your day been?

What is it? What do you want? Tell me.

Did I answer yes to that question? It must have been cos you’re a ranga. I like rangas. So I was objectifying you. Hope that was okay.

Hahahahahaha! Hahahahahaha! Where the hell did that come from? One minute you’re this polite guy, and then …

I don’t think it’s disgusting. I love it when a guy comes on my face. I mean, not here. Obviously. My boyfriend.

What’s the problem? Have you been drinking or something?

How’s your day been?

No, I don’t mind. What do you want to do then? Yeah, we can just do that. We can do whatever you like.

Are you sure? Can you afford it? You don’t have to. We can just take an extra five minutes now. Does it mean you won’t come back for a while? I won’t see you for ages.

Is ‘conversate’ a word? I was pretty sure it’s not, but she was totally convinced. How do you find out if something’s really a word or not?

Yay! You know some guys, it just sort of dribbles out. Phwt.

He’s a regular of mine. I quite enjoyed it actually. I’ve never fucked someone up the ass with a dildo before.

How’s your day been?

Yeah, I get the same thing on my side. I can tell when they’re not going to pick me. They won’t even look at me. It’s humiliating. What is it that you ask? Yeah, I get it. It’s supposed to be meaningless. It’s just to see if I have an answer or not.

Do you mind if I drink from your glass?

I know. What am I going to do without her? I really miss her. It makes me sad.

Little kisses. Mwah, mwah. Little kisses. On the body, on the neck.

You’re how old? No! How old do you think I am?

How’s your day been?

Yes, I am a grand master at chess. … I was also a champion tennis player when I was younger, until my injury. I don’t have my own dark room any more, so I’ve given up the photography. … Now, tonight I’m going to let you go all around the world.

That’s terrible. I can’t believe someone who works here would behave like that.

I do get paid, eventually, but because I live here at the moment, I tend to get the IOUs. If she tried that on with the other girls, they’d just threaten to leave. So I have to go on and on about it before she’ll actually give me the money.

It’ll be just like your girlfriend. Lovely.

I want you to masturbate when you think about this moment. I’m going to play with my tits. I’m going to watch you come all over my tits, and then I’m going to rub it into them. Think of me when you wank yourself off, and I’ll be here waiting for you. Come for me. Yes.

How’s your day been?

He’s doing me doggie style, and he’s going, ‘Oh baby, come for me baby!’ And I’m thinking, ‘Really? Really? It’s only a half-hour booking!’

Stop, stop! Ha ha, you’re the pussy monster! Come here, pussy monster. Kiss me.

I brought my own sheets from home for the bed. It gives it more of a personal touch. Are you warm enough? It’s cold outside.

I’m thinking, ‘Man, it ain’t the 70s any more! No need for the porno bush!’ Ugh. What about you? Do you shave? Oh, okay. I can see that.

I forgot you like the two cover sheets on the bed. Everyone has their little quirks. Do you want me to get the CD player too? What have you brought for me tonight? Why is it always someone I’ve never heard of before? Do you actually like anyone who’s in the Top 40?

How’s your day been?

You have a really clean asshole.

I know! Hello? It’s a customer service job. You have to make an effort! But people still book her!

It’s not about me. It’s about making you feel nice. It’s your time.

But you’re not going to fuck me, are you? You’re not. I know.

No, that’s not part of my service. It’s too personal.

How’s your day been?

Why didn’t you pick any of them? What was wrong with them?

Hmn. Does it usually look like that?

Sure, I’d like that. See you soon.

Is that what’s bothering you? You don’t need to worry about me. I can take care of myself.

I could do this all night. It relaxes me.

How’s your day been?

This guy, the first thing he does in the room is he puts a knife down on the bedside table. And I’m like, ‘I don’t think so, I don’t think so’. No way. Next please.

We can discuss it when we get to the room. I’m sure we can come to some understanding.

I’ll tell you if anything makes me uncomfortable. Let me decide that.

Oh, it’s you again. What have you been up to, darling?

Look at yourself in the mirror. Look at yourself fucking me, going in and out.

How’s your day been?

Well, I guess we could take it off and you could come on my tits. You stand and I’ll sit on the edge of the bed.

How’s your aim?

Don’t get it in my hair or I’ll kill you.

I thought you understood. It costs extra. Everyone charges extra for it. No, don’t go. I’m sorry. How much do you have? Well, okay. I guess maybe we can just sort of do it a bit, and it’s okay this time. Sorry. I wasn’t being funny. I really thought you understood.

We can go through to the lounge and talk, off the clock. There won’t be anyone there at this hour of the morning.

How’s your day been?

I worry about you when I don’t see you for a while.

Of course, but let me just clean up first.

Well, … okay. But you have to put a condom on your finger.

Can I? I didn’t want to presume. You are a naughty boy.

You know your own body. You know the best way to touch yourself. Like that? That’s hot.

How’s your day been?

You’re doing fine, no complaints.

You’ve obviously had a lot of practice at that.

No, because you need to stay hard for that, and you can’t.

I should tell you, I’m not a kissing girl. Just so you know.

Most guys, they just think it’s something they’re supposed to say, they don’t actually want to do it.

How’s your day been?

I’ve already come twice today anyway. No, the first time I masturbated. I was bored. The place was dead.

Am I? Really? Is that what you really think?

I was the one who found him. I had to cut him down. But you understand that.

Hey, hey. What’s the matter, what’s the matter? It’s okay. It’s all okay.

Can I tell you something? Do you mind? I think you are the most passionate person I’ve ever met.

How’s your day been?


Photographs by Brassaï.

'Calenture' is the author of two books, which (unlike this piece) were published under his real name. He has recently finished a new novel set in a Sydney brothel. More from this author →