PERSONALIZED PENS
★★★★★ (4 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing personalized pens.
Personalized pens are perfect gifts. They are cheap and useful and personalizing one reminds the recipient where the gift came from. It’s a way to say hello in the middle of the night or during a quiet moment without being as intrusive or alarming as showing up in person.
Everyone uses a pen, so it is pretty much the best place to advertise. Better than TV (Amish) and better than billboards (speeders). The only demographic unreachable by a pen is the blind. That is until someone starts manufacturing personalized pens in braille. Blind people won’t be able to avoid them!
During my run for the Presidency I purchased 30,000 pens with my name on them intended as gifts for potential voters. I was only able to give away about 20 pens but now the rest are collectibles. Much like that stamp with the upside down plane on it, my pens are made even more collectible because my name is misspelled as “Tad.” (If you would like to purchase one of my pens, please leave a comment at the end of this review with your name, address, and credit card number. I am selling these pieces of American history for only $9.99 each plus shipping and handling.)
Sometimes I get so distracted by the hotel name or medication name written on the side of my pen while using it, that I will accidentally write that name down in the middle of a letter. That’s how powerful this form of advertising is. It’s called viral marketing. And that’s why I’ve started signing my letters as “Tad.”
When someone combines personalized pens with those naked lady pens where her clothes slide off, a lot of money is going to be made. Men love naked ladies.
I had a naked lady pen that I would use when writing erotic letters to my wife. It helped get me in the mood. I know it may sound like cheating but that’s why I taped a photograph of my wife’s face over the naked lady’s body. I suppose in my own way I had personalized that pen myself. I was very sad to lose that pen during a break-in. Now some burglar is out there imagining what my wife could look like naked if she were still alive. My letters got a lot more boring after I lost that pen.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Necco Wafers.
