THE NRA
★★★★★ (2 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing the NRA.
The NRA is a gun-enthusiasts club previously led by Planet of the Apes actor Charlton Heston. He passed away and now I’m not sure who runs the club. Almost everyone from the original movie seems to be dead, so it might be Mark Wahlberg from the remake.
Everyone has something they believe in. For some it’s cancer research, or helping feed the poor. For NRA members, they’re really into people having guns. I guess if a gun could be made that could shoot food into the mouths of the hungry I could relate to guns more.
NRA members have been speaking out in favor of guns a lot recently because of all the horrible things people have been using their guns for. Actually, the things being done with guns are the same as always, but lately it’s been done in much more surprising and disturbing ways.
The NRA believes it is a basic human right to own an assault rifle because some slave-owners implied something similar. My first thought is that this seems absurd, but then I try and think of an argument against it and I can’t. After all, America is all about the freedom of getting to do whatever you want.
I don’t think NRA members would enjoy time-traveling (when that becomes possible) much earlier than the 1400s because then they would have to witness people being oppressed by the absence of the invention of guns. Pre-gun era inventors might want to watch their backs!
It’s unclear why the name National Rifle Association was chosen when the group seems to like all guns equally, not just rifles. A more fitting name might be the National Bullets Association, since without bullets guns are pretty useless. Or, I suppose, since they’re all about the Second Amendment, maybe the American Musket Club.
Maybe if they rebrand themselves with a new name, they could also consider a friendly mascot. I’m thinking of a cartoon bullet flying through the air like a superhero.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Harry Morgan.
