MY BREAKFAST WAFFLE
★★★★★ (2 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing my breakfast waffle.
Yesterday for breakfast I had a waffle. Nothing else. No butter or syrup or anything to drink. I didn’t even heat the waffle up. It’s part of my new minimalist approach to life. Less is more, they say, and I thought it was time to try and embrace that.
When I looked down at my plate and saw a single, slightly thawed waffle, it didn’t seem like more, it seemed like less. So, I got my rolling pin and flattened the waffle out to increase the surface area. Then I got the smallest fork I could find, hoping the contrast would help. Lastly, I got my face as close to the waffle as possible, making it take up the majority of my field of vision. All of this did make the waffle seem like more but not a lot more and only if I didn’t think about it very much.
I wondered if maybe I was doing it wrong, and that I should have even less still, so I tore the waffle in half, then rolled up what remained and squished it into as small a ball as possible. Then, instead of a fork, I used a pitchfork, and I drove the waffle to a nearby parking lot and looked at it from so far away that I almost couldn’t see it anymore. Unfortunately, a seagull had no problem seeing it and he took it.
No waffle at all seemed like the least it could be, and as I watched another seagull attack the first and fight over my waffle-ball, I realized maybe the phrase less is more means less breakfast for me but more for someone else. Just as I thought that, several seagulls surrounded me in a threatening manner and I had to run back to my car, so I’m not sure how that fits in exactly. I guess more seagulls is less time spent in the parking lot.
By the time I got home I was too tired to eat, so I tried my new minimalist way of napping, where I only close one eye and instead of my bed I sleep in a box.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing the Empire State Building!
