ANTIQUES
★★★★★ (3 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing antiques.
Antiques are things that were once junk and everyone threw away, but then because they all got thrown away, the few that were left became rare and desired.
Eventually everything becomes an antique if you wait long enough. Look at dinosaurs. Even though they’re only a few thousand years old, they are incredibly rare and valuable. They aren’t even in good shape – just skeletons! I was always amazed that so many people turned out to see a movie about antiques when Jurassic Park came out.
Have you ever seen the TV show Antiques Roadshow? I was on an episode! It’s much less dangerous than Jurassic Park. I presented my antique pants from the Civil War, which turned out not to be antiques after all. The experts on that show said the pants were just dirty. It was a disappointment, but made me feel less sad when a raccoon stole them the next day.
You can never really know what’s an antique and what’s not. Not all old things are antiques, and not all antiques look like antiques. I’m still learning a lot about them and when I have more information I will update this review. For now my focus is primarily on VHS cassettes.
I believe VHS cassettes will one day be antiques, and that is why I have a collection of several thousand of them in my basement, attic, and storage unit. About half of them are copies of Sidney Poitier’s Ghost Dad.
At the moment, I could be mistaken for a hoarder, but when cassettes become antiques, if I am still alive, I will be a knowledgeable collector. Possibly the most famous VHS collector because as far as I know, no one else has as many as me. My biggest competition used to be Blockbuster, but they didn’t have the foresight to stick it out until they could transition into being an antiques store. Now I will have cornered the market.
Please join me next week when I will be reviewing Dracula.
