MY CAR HORN
★★★★★ (1 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing my car horn.
I can usually find something to like about most anything, so I’m reluctant to use the word “hate” to describe something, especially an inanimate object, but I can honestly say I hate my car horn. That’s the only way I know to describe it.
First of all, the button embedded in the steering wheel doesn’t work, so to operate the horn, I have to pull over, pop my hood, and physically beep it from inside the engine. This is ineffective when I want to beep at a bad driver, because usually by the time I can even get to the horn the driver is gone.
Even if the driver is still in the vicinity, and he or she can hear my horn, all there is to look at is an old man under the hood of his car wearing a pair of noise-canceling headphones.
My horn is still useful for times when I’m picking someone up and want to announce my arrival. Unfortunately, no one ever asks me to pick them up. I think it’s because of my horn. People are too embarrassed to ride in a car with such an inferior horn.
There was a time when my horn did function correctly, but I still didn’t like it. The tone it makes is kind of whiny. If it were a person, it would probably be named Eugene, and I would have a hard time being friends with him just because his voice would be so grating.
I wish I had something nice to say about my horn. There was a time it scared a deer out of the way, but then the horn didn’t turn off for over three days, which caused a lot of grief with my neighbors. I tried covering my car with pillows to muffle the sound but that just drew more attention to my car.
When I tried to just remove the horn entirely, I got electrocuted. It’s like it knew.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Morgan Freeman’s brother.
