BREAKING BAD
★★★★★ (2 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing Breaking Bad.
One of my tricks for speeding up the process of reviewing all of the things in the world is to only read the ends of books. It’s a huge timesaver. Same thing for movies and TV shows. Try it next time you’re in a hurry. There is a popular TV show called Breaking Bad. I learned of it several years ago but waited until last night to watch the final episode.
The show was created by someone named Gilligan, most likely of Gilligan’s Island. The main villain is played by Bryan Cranston, who also played Hank in Walker, Texas Ranger with Chuck Norris, who was the fight choreographer on Breaker! Breaker!. Chuck Norton directed an episode of Gilligan’s Island. It’s like that Kevin Bacon thing.
There’s a great deal of violence in Breaking Bad, which I don’t care too much for. I enjoy physical comedy, especially Buster Keaton, but there’s nothing funny about someone getting shot. Unless that person falls into a puddle of mud. Or maybe a cake.
All the unpleasantness in the show made me feel very uncomfortable. For my own emotional well-being, I rearranged the letters in Breaking Bad in my head to spell “Dirk Beanbag,” which is a much more fun-sounding show. I would tune in every week to watch Dirk Beanbag if that were a show.
I fell asleep before the end of the Breaking Bad, so I’m not sure how it turned out. The last thing I saw was the delicious looking plate Bryan Voltaggio prepared. Or actually that might have been the Top Chef Masters finale. Both those shows have a lot of tension and I get them confused.
While I may not be able to recall specific details of the last episode of Breaking Bad, my guess is everyone resolved their problems and managed to reconcile the difficulties they had, and learned an important lesson in the end. The lesson I learned is that I never want to see Bryan Cranston in another show because he seems so mean and it made me not want to look at him. Perhaps in the future, if he takes on a role like Willy Wonka or Peter Pan, I could stand to watch him in that.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing wheat.
4 responses
Brilliant post, Ted. Thanks. Now I don’t have to spend days watching the show on Netflix or whatever. As always, you are a magical timesaver. If I had a unicorn, I’d send it your way.
Dear Erma,
I’m so glad I’ve helped save you time. Another way to save time is to keep everything you need on the first floor of your house. No more having to go up and down stairs.
Your Friend,
Ted
Ted, you might enjoy the beginning (rather than the end) of a movie called “Leave.” Six minutes in Bryan appears briefly as an English fop with blond highlights, checkered vest, stri-ped shirt, fancy tie and lavender pocket square. Jolly good fun! Cheerio!
I, too, was horrified by the violence in “Breaking Bad”, but I got hooked on the plot and HAD to watch what happened next. I think Bryan Cranston is a BRILLIANT actor, and very handsome, and I believe I have enough imagination to identify him as the part he is playing without Walter White’s intruding. AND he has enough skill to make me forget about Walt, riveting though that role has been.
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