A LAMBORGHINI
★★★★★ (5 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing a Lamborghini.
Today I saw a Lamborghini and it was awesome. The only ones I had seen before were either pictures or Matchboxes or drawings I had made. This one was red, like what Magnum P.I. drove except that his was a Ferrari, so picture that but a Lamborghini instead.
I asked the man driving it if I could test drive it. He swore at me and sped away. That seemed like a rude response at first, but then I considered that being a Lamborghini owner must be as difficult as being a celebrity. No one really wants to be a celebrity’s friend. People are only attracted to the glitz and glamour. And I didn’t care about who that man truly was, I only wanted to be close to his car. His response was fair.
Lamborghini sounds like bikini, which makes me think of sex. It is a sexy car, but not in an intercourse kind of way. More the way that a perfectly heterosexual man finds Hugh Jackman sexy. Hugh Jackman is like a human Lamborghini. But since he can drive himself, he’s more like a human Lamborghini invented by Google, that self-driving car and electric monocle company.
I’ve considered building my own Lamborghini. The basics are the same as any car: four wheels (or do Lamborghinis have six?), a steering wheel, headlights, doors, etc. I don’t have any welding experience though, so I would have to learn as I go. It would be a lot of work and I might be better off just buying one. If I sold everything I own I could buy most of a Lamborghini, and if I changed my mind I could always sell it and buy back my stuff back.
If this review doesn’t convince you of the awesomeness of a Lamborghini you should go see one in person for yourself. If there is no Lamborghini dealership near you, go to a Pontiac dealership. Find their best car, and ask to drive it. When you get it onto the road, close your eyes and imagine an experience thirty times more amazing. That’s what I think it would be like to drive a Lamborghini.
Until I can have a Lamborghini of my own I have the settle with the red paint job I gave my Oldsmobile, and the painting of a Lamborghini I did on the roof.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Leave It to Beaver.
