Ted Wilson Reviews the World #220


★★★★★ (5 out of 5)

Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing salt licks.

Most people think salt licks are meant only for horses or desperately hungry people. However, salt licks are also perfect for regular people who want an easily accessible supply of salt without the hassle of trying to get a salt shaker through a metal detector.

Many fancy restaurants don’t put salt on the table, but with my own personal salt lick they don’t need to! I can easily scrape some off with a knife or my fingernail and season away to my heart’s content. If I remember to bring a cheese grater it’s even easier. Sometimes I’ll walk around the restaurant offering salt to customers who look like they might want some.

I’ve always loved the taste of salt, and in my waning years it’s one of the few things I can still taste. That’s why it’s great to always have some at the ready.

Salt licks are substantially cheaper than regular salt, especially when purchased in bulk. A case of salt licks can save you over $18.00 if bought off-season. And if you’re worried you may never be able to eat an entire case of salt you can donate it to any food related charity.

Salt licks are superior to ordinary salt in many ways.

If you spill a bunch of salt in a puddle you can pretty much say goodbye to it. But drop a salt lick in a puddle and you can pull it back out, shake it off, and put it right back in your pocket.

Horses have no interest in salt spread all over the ground, but a salt lick tied to the end of a string can lure a horse into a barn. Then you’ve got a free horse. Don’t let them drink salt water though. Then you won’t have a free horse.

The list goes on and on. Frankly, I’m amazed anyone uses loose salt.

There’s no such thing as a pepper lick, I think because the salt industry has cornered the market on lickable seasonings. The pepper industry is probably very angry about it.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing splinters.

Ted Wilson is a musician, good friend, and widower. His website iamtedwilson.com features all of his reviews (even the banned ones), exciting videos, a live interview with Ted on the radio, and interviews with some of the world's top celebrities! More from this author →