Ted Wilson Turns Five!


Congratulations and happy anniversary to Ted Wilson, who has been bringing us his reviews of the world for five years today! Here’s a personal message from Rumpus founder Stephen Elliott.

If you’re not familiar with Ted’s reviews, each week he reviews one thing. His goal: to eventually review everything in the world. Here are a few highlights.

“Indiana Jones is the most famous archaeologist. The least famous is a woman named Patricia Woznicki.”

“What I really don’t like about eating is how half-way through chewing, I suddenly have a mouth full of half-chewed food.”

“The only case I can think of where infinity would be a good thing is if you slipped and fell into a hole that was infinitely deep, because then you would never smack into the bottom. Instead, you would just starve to death as you fell.”

It’s been a wild, educational, and enlightening ride with Ted. But that doesn’t mean there hasn’t been controversy. He’s interviewed a number of celebrities, from Chef Wylie Dufresne to singer Mike Doughty. The most notable and most controversial interview was with comedian Louis C.K. The interview brought in a lot of outside readers—people less polite than our regular audience. It was one of the first times we experienced such unpleasant comments, but Ted remained just as polite as always.

Another controversial moment was the time we published Ted’s review of the Holocaust on Rosh Hashanah. While the review gave the Holocaust a very poor rating, we never intended to upset or offend anyone.

There was one especially moving moment: When we asked Ted to author one of our Letters in the Mail. We didn’t know what to expect, but when we received his letter, we realized that everyone needed to see it, not just our LITM subscribers. It was a call to help find Ted’s possibly missing wife. Unfortunately, she has yet to be found. Perhaps Ted’s missing wife is the reason he decided to tour the country during his bid for President in 2012. He didn’t win but he did give a very heartfelt concession speech.

CONGRATULATE TED YOURSELF! Call him at: 617-379-2576 or send him a personal message with this form.

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We leave you with this video of former Managing Editor and Rumpus Co-Owner Isaac Fitzgerald reading on Ted’s behalf, after Ted accidentally drove over himself with his own car.