A FREE TEDDY BEAR PARTY
★★★★★
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing a free teddy bear party.
I found an advertisement on the internet for a free teddy bear party less than an hour from my house. I’m a grown man and therefore don’t have a need for teddy bears, but I figured whoever would throw a party giving out free ones must be a nice person and someone I would like to know.
When I showed up to the address I must have been early because no one had arrived yet. Only the host was there, and in the corner of his living room was the teddy bear selection. I could see why they were free. They looked almost as if they had been found in the street but I suppose they must have been old family heirlooms with a lot of sentimental value. What a generous person to give away something with such meaning.
The host asked if I was a cop and said I had to tell him if I was. I guess there may be some tax-related issue he was trying to skirt around by giving things away. He must not have been a certified 501(c)(3). I told him I had a job as a security guard once but it only lasted for a week.
I felt really bad for the guy (he was so shy he didn’t want to tell me his name) because we waited for two hours and no one showed up. That’s my biggest fear – to throw a party that no one comes to. He put a lot of effort into the party, too. There were almost six balloons, a bowl of Ritz-like crackers, and a homemade disco ball made out of a basketball and silver spray paint.
We made conversation for a bit and when we ran out of things to talk about he put on a movie called The NeverEnding Story. I didn’t know how literal that title was but it was already late and I couldn’t commit to an infinite movie. I stayed until I saw the scary wormdog and then I excused myself. The host had fallen asleep so I whispered goodbye and decided to take one of the free teddy bears anyway. I thought he’d appreciate knowing his party wasn’t a total waste.
Under normal circumstances I would have left my number but I didn’t feel like we connected very well after all. He was a lot different in person from how he seemed online.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Jack Palance.
