SELFIE STICKS
★★★★★
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing selfie sticks.
It used to be that if you wanted a photograph of yourself, you had to ask a stranger to take it. Not anymore! With a new invention called a selfie stick, the need for human interaction has been eliminated. This is great news for introverts.
A selfie stick is a stick to which you attach your camera so that you may hold it far away from you as if you are not alone. But that’s not all it does. It’s also good for beating away the people who are mad at you for using a selfie stick. A lot of people seem to hate selfie sticks and I’m not sure why. How could you be mad at a stick?
I got my first selfie stick after feeding five dollars into a broken photo booth. When I discovered it was broken, I went to the second floor of the mall, bought a selfie stick, and returned to the photo booth. It was a bit cramped while holding out the stick inside the booth but I got my pictures.
Now I can use any photo booth anywhere without having to pay. I’ve more than made my money back. I even opened my own photo booth called Ted’s Photobooth. It’s an old porta-potty I bought and refurbished. When people open the door they see me sitting in there with a selfie stick. At first they apologize and begin to close the door, but when I explain that I am the evolution of photo booths, sometimes they get in.
The only downside to a selfie stick is you have to carry a stick around with you. If you forget to detach it from your phone, and try to put your phone in your pocket, it won’t fit and you might tear your pocket trying to force it it. I ruined a pair of pants that way and the selfie stick company wouldn’t send a refund. There was no warning on their packaging so I’m having my lawyer look into it. I loved those pants.
Eventually Apple is going to get into the selfie stick game, and you know when they do they will revolutionize it. They will make the most beautifully designed, minimalist three-foot stick attached to the side of your phone you will ever see.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Tom Arnold.
