FUNNY WOMEN #130: Practice Test for Tweens
Responding to years of criticism that the Common Core—math, science, physical education, etc.—discourages creativity and independent thought, educators have finally rolled out a new curriculum that they believe will be more exciting and relevant to various groups of young learners. Like this practice test for tweens!! 🙂 <3
Read the excerpts below, then provide the best answer.
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.”
–Robert Frost, “The Road Not Taken”
Why does the author of this poem feel “sorry”?
- He’s just one person, facing two choices.
- Hiking is boring and gross.
- Google Maps isn’t loading because this entire forest has no service!
“Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it.”
–Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Why did Alice feel she had “nothing to do”?
- She wants her sister to stop reading and play games with her.
- She can’t see the illustrations because of sun glare on her sister’s iPad, which is exactly why she told her parents to buy them both Amazon Kindle Fire tablets.
- She was having fun inside, but her mom is a monster and obsessed with “outside”.
- Um, because she actually had nothing to do.
“It was broad daylight when Anne awoke and sat up in bed, staring confusedly at the window through which a flood of cheery sunshine was pouring….First came a delightful thrill, as something very pleasant; then a horrible remembrance. This was Green Gables and they didn’t want her because she wasn’t a boy!”
–Lucy Maud Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
What best describes how Anne is feeling?
- Excited but also worried.
- That’s so patriarchy.
- Horrible! And maybe the reason is because everyone keeps barging into her bedroom every five seconds without knocking and telling her it’s time to go outside and she just wants to FaceTime with her best friend about something that is really important and PRIVATE!
Critical Thinking and Interpretation
Read the questions and choose the best answer.
1) Which of the following sentences is most correct?
- I am going to buy a new car; it is a red sports car.
- I hope my parents by a knew car. they’re minivan sux.
- Their minivan doesn’t even have satellite radio, I mean, seriously?
- Sometimes I wish I was an orphan.
2) The 1868 novel Little Women tells the story of four very different sisters. Why does the author describe Jo as independent and willful, but describe her sister Meg—who ran the household when her mother was gone—as changing into a “perfect little woman”?
- In the year 1868 women were expected to happily work only in the home.
- They made us learn about puberty in Human Growth and Development, and I can’t think about it.
- It was THE WORST.
- Doesn’t matter because Beyoncé.
3) You just read a poem at school. You love the poem, but it makes you cry. How would you use a picture to show this?
- Draw a picture of yourself with teardrops holding the poem.
- Collage a storm, tornado, and shipwreck.
- Draw a creepy owl with a mustache because that’s “your thing,” and because it’ll make everybody SHUT UP and stop looking at you like that.
- Take a frowning selfie and post it on Instagram!! #poemsaresosad, #emotions, #lookatmedontlookatme, #imapoet, #everyonecries, #savetheowls
Language Arts and History
Define or correct the words in italics.
1) If the books have been due last week, why weren’t they returned to the library?
- I dunno.
2) If I would have known about lacrosse team tryouts, I would have signed up for them. The correct construction is:
- I had known
- my mom had reminded me
- Google Calendar had reminded me
- idc bc I just got a snapchatof Kylie getting hit in the face with a La Crosse stick lol
3) The wound exhibited signs of copious drainage and required medical attention. In this sentence, copious means…
- I can’t even.
Read the problems and choose the best answer.
1) Sarah and Ben are allowed one hour of screen time every day. On weekdays they play Little Alchemy or stream Netflix, but on weekends they play Minecraft. If it takes them five weeks to finish the game, then how many total hours will they have spent playing Minecraft?
- 10, if they were in multiplayer
- If I only got one hour of screen time, then I’d never finish anything b/c I’d kill myself.
- Minecraft is an open world game.
2) When Keisha turned ten, she bought her first iPhone. Every two years for the rest of her life, Keisha buys a new iPhone. Every five years, she gets a new charger, for $25. Assuming that Keisha lives to 100, how much will Keisha pay for iPhone chargers in her lifetime?
- Keisha got an iPhone when she was 10? How is that fair?!
- Siri: What’s the answer to this math problem?
3) Felicity and Molly are about to decorate some sugar cookies with rainbow sprinkles. Which of the following would be an appropriate unit for measuring the sprinkles?
- Sprinkles on fleek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- But wait, are they gluten?
- Literally I’m dying for cookies right now.
The answer to every question is
- ANY OF THE ABOVE BECAUSE YOU’RE TOTALLY AWESOME AND UNIQUE!!!
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