artichoke
how one can be / prickly tender / how to work / how to scrape / how to
green / & green / yet on inside / how to purple / how to majestic /
someone thought to open up / the sharp thing / rename it meal / flesh
center barricaded / by miscellaneous knives / whole life likely / a dare /
i too know / to breathe shield / what it is / to be jagged / to be your own
bouquet / confused for ornament / wrap limbs / into knotted lonely /
disowned coniferous / maybe to be steamed / to unhinge joints / to want
to be believed / to be beloved / to be known for your buttery / to be
raked of it / yes / to live honestly / and be considered thistle / beget a
body noble / something more than circumstance / than exterior / fed up
with being / mistaken for weed / ache to splay like firework / seen as
extra / seen as too much work / blithely considered / at dinner parties to
be / an acquired taste / and / too fancy / or / how do you even eat that /
shimmer silk from / center / want nothing more / than to be pried / than
for someone to just / dig in / to be brave or curious / to quest / & use all
hands / to spread limbs / not mind the bold foliage / thin blade skin /
draws blood when held too tightly / wish for somebody to just say / this
looks impossible / but / what if / what if / this could be my most /
favorite thing / bet / somewhere inside / there’s blossom
I use the word Disabled
because every doctor thinks – they know more about the cavity echo – of my feet
[than I do] because it’s dirty word – where every stranger – self-discloses their arms –
skin – fevers like [family secret] – because bodies aren’t meant – to live – in whisper
– because whole events still [rampless] – how clipboards are – biggest fear [monger]
because everyone can name one [token] Disabled or Deaf – poet who is usually white –
[and always] straight – because after speaking – as an expert [for a whole hour] in a
packed auditorium – during any Q&A – someone [eventually] doesn’t ask a question
but says You’re not that. – You’ll get better soon – as though I haven’t measured –
my sternum into – a city of MRIs – gazed at comet splatters – of xrays – hospital
gown high hat ultrasounds – my season’s [best] – as though my soundtrack isn’t –
bass of prescription – bottles gone empty – every lost friend – every abled grimace
like death – [somewhere] joy in crook of toes – equals some cold – nobody
wants to catch – about colds – every january some people – conflate their – dalliance
with cough syrup – with [my] blacking out – in laundromats – subway – a new partner’s
bedroom – how concave of chest – is altar where [friends] stopped checking in – forgot
to invite – candlelit rib for – every time someone in new pain – says I get it now –
an [incantation] for every time – you discuss pang – forever in skull – a friend says –
[yeah] I get headaches when I’m hung over too – for if you don’t make a – potluck –
meeting – twitter hour – you might be the dog [taken] out back – your work silenced –
for its own misery – together [we] pass lidocaine & – salonpas the way – our
aunties shared adobo recipe – we inherit collective – [care] because we – swap how-tos –
on advocacy with nurse – specialist – to oncologolost & [again] – to access-a-ride – our
texts from scratch – to survive spasm song – because another date – asked you about
your leg – & you know that you’ll never [see] – them again & nobody understands
rejection like a sick – crip who brings you weed – & a casserole – tells you not
to move a muscle – they’ll get the tea – hope still twined on their – [throats] we have
been a movement – all of us – an inhale – at the closest – sunset [window sill] – as
somebody tries to text – fried – but autocorrect anticipates – grief [same thing]
***
Photograph of Kay Ulanday Barrett by Jess X Chen.
