Kyle Kinane

So I figured why pay for a pure breed when there’s a ton of rescue pit bulls out there already, you know? Just gotta make sure to wrestle with him on a regular basis to display dominance. And always, always…

There’s no such thing as a bad neighborhood when you’ve got a purple belt in taekwondo, Doug. More.

How many times do I have to tell you that I can’t go to the hospital, Doug? I’m a Christian Scientist! It goes against my beliefs to have health insurance. Plus it saves me a shit-ton of money. How do…

No, you’re confused, Doug. “Asbestos” was the name of that Greek drive-thru they converted into a free clinic. This is insulation that’s going keep my bad-ass fort warm come winter time. No girls allowed unless it’s your mom, bro. More.

Why would I open the garage door if I’m trying to warm up the car, Doug? If I open the door, then the cold air gets in. If the cold air gets in, the car isn’t going to get warm,…

Anyone can tame a grizzly bear, Doug. Shit’s hack. But a polar bear? I hope you’re not too uncomfortable sleeping on that bed of money I just made for us. More.

“Do it underwater to make it really badass.”  You know who said that?  Henry Houdini.  Now help me with the straightjacket and put the padlocks on.  Those girls will be here soon and I want to be ready to jump…

I shouldn’t smoke in bed? Look out that window, Doug. Is that a Russian flag hanging on my flagpole? No, it’s not. It’s a U-S-of-God-blessed-A flag. When those beautiful stars and stripes fall to a hammer and sickle, that’s when…

I’m a volunteer fireman, Doug. I just show up where I can when I can, you know? Well, I assume the training is voluntary as well. I’m not gonna waste a whole afternoon listening to some guy tell me that…