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Posts by author

Kyle Kinane

50 posts
Kyle Kinane has been performing in bars in cities in nations for ten years. He was called "bleak and misanthropic" by the London Evening Standard, which may or may not be a compliment. He is a comedian.
  • Other

Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #25

  • Kyle Kinane
  • March 22, 2010
So I figured why pay for a pure breed when there’s a ton of rescue pit bulls out there already, you know? Just gotta make sure to wrestle with him…
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  • Other

Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #24

  • Kyle Kinane
  • March 15, 2010
There’s no such thing as a bad neighborhood when you’ve got a purple belt in taekwondo, Doug. More.
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  • Other

Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #23

  • Kyle Kinane
  • February 15, 2010
How many times do I have to tell you that I can’t go to the hospital, Doug? I’m a Christian Scientist! It goes against my beliefs to have health insurance.…
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  • Other

Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #22

  • Kyle Kinane
  • February 8, 2010
No, you’re confused, Doug. “Asbestos” was the name of that Greek drive-thru they converted into a free clinic. This is insulation that’s going keep my bad-ass fort warm come winter…
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  • Other

Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #21

  • Kyle Kinane
  • February 1, 2010
Why would I open the garage door if I’m trying to warm up the car, Doug? If I open the door, then the cold air gets in. If the cold…
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  • Other

Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #20

  • Kyle Kinane
  • January 26, 2010
Anyone can tame a grizzly bear, Doug. Shit’s hack. But a polar bear? I hope you’re not too uncomfortable sleeping on that bed of money I just made for us.…
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  • Other

Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #19

  • Kyle Kinane
  • January 11, 2010
“Do it underwater to make it really badass.”  You know who said that?  Henry Houdini.  Now help me with the straightjacket and put the padlocks on.  Those girls will be…
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  • Other

Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #18

  • Kyle Kinane
  • January 4, 2010
I shouldn’t smoke in bed? Look out that window, Doug. Is that a Russian flag hanging on my flagpole? No, it’s not. It’s a U-S-of-God-blessed-A flag. When those beautiful stars…
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  • Other

Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #17

  • Kyle Kinane
  • December 28, 2009
I’m a volunteer fireman, Doug. I just show up where I can when I can, you know? Well, I assume the training is voluntary as well. I’m not gonna waste…
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  • Other

Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #16

  • Kyle Kinane
  • December 21, 2009
You got it all wrong, Doug. You can’t use the elevator if there’s a fire. This is an earthquake, so press “L” and stop bitching. We don’t have a lot…
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  • Other

Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #15

  • Kyle Kinane
  • December 14, 2009
Where did I put my car keys, Doug? All this NyQuil’s gonna kick in soon, so I’m taking off. Gotta try and outrun this nap. More.
Read
  • Other

Kyle Kinane’s I’m Dead and It’s All My Fault #14

  • Kyle Kinane
  • December 7, 2009
These fucking DUIs are killing me, Doug. That’s why I’m getting my pilot’s license. No cops in the sky, buddy. More.
Read

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