★★★★★ (4 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing sand dollars.
Don’t let the name fool you – few businesses are willing to accept sand dollars as currency. Those that are, are typically staffed by the blind, elderly, or inebriated. It’s the sand dollar’s round, coin-like shape that gives it the dollar portion of its name. I’m not sure where the sand part is derived from. Some argue it’s because they are found on beaches but I have found them in stores and on eBay. Try referring to them as “store dollars” or “eBay dollars” and get ready for some puzzled looks.
At some point sand dollars were animals I think, although I’m not sure what kind of animal lives like a coin. A pretty boring animal is my guess. I think it would be neat if after we died we left a shell behind. Then you’d spot a friend across the street you’d be like, “Oh, hey, Kurt.” But when you crossed the street to get closer you’d notice how stiff and dry Kurt looked. And how his eyes were hollow sockets. You could play a lot of funny pranks with Kurt’s shell.
There’s probably some remote island where the natives use sand dollars as their actual currency. This island civilization is too small to be able to mint their own money, and since the ocean is just pumping out coins anyway – why not? The most exciting element of their sea-generated economy is that even the poorest person might suddenly surpass the wealth of the richest after a lucky day at the beach!
When I went to Cape Cod once I bought a pretty sweet looking sand dollar necklace. I wear it everyday just in case I should become marooned on that island. That way I’ll at least have something to get me on my feet until I’m rescued.
If America used pine cones as money things would be a lot more fair for everyone. I would be a pine tree farmer.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing a cloud I saw today.