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	<title>The Rumpus.net &#187; Elissa Bassist</title>
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	<description>Books, Music, Movies, Art, Politics, Sex, Other</description>
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		<title>FUNNY WOMEN #100: Writing the Next Great American Woman&#8217;s Novel</title>
		<link>http://therumpus.net/2013/05/funny-women-100-writing-the-next-great-american-womans-novel/</link>
		<comments>http://therumpus.net/2013/05/funny-women-100-writing-the-next-great-american-womans-novel/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 06 May 2013 19:05:51 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Elissa Bassist</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Funny Women]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[rumpus original]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[elissa bassist]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gender]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sexism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wikipedia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wikipedia sexism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[writing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://therumpus.net/?p=113924</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<em>A lot of women people (as opposed to men people, or just “people”) are upset that Wikipedia editors have created a subcategory for "American Women Novelists.” But I’m not.</em>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<blockquote><p>“It appears that gradually, over time, editors have begun the process of moving women, one by one, alphabetically, from the ‘American Novelists’ category to the ‘American Women Novelists’ subcategory.” &#8211;Amanda Filipacchi, &#8220;<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/28/opinion/sunday/wikipedias-sexism-toward-female-novelists.html" target="_blank">Wikipedia’s Sexism Toward Female Novelists</a>,&#8221; <em>The New York Times</em>, April 24, 2013</p><p>“Around 90 percent of Wikipedia editors are men, and it shows.” &#8211;<em>New Scientist</em></p></blockquote><p>A lot of women people (as opposed to men people, or just “people”) are upset that <a href="http://www.nybooks.com/blogs/nyrblog/2013/apr/29/wikipedia-women-problem/" target="_blank">Wikipedia editors have created a subcategory for &#8220;American Women Novelists.”</a> But I’m not. I&#8217;m stoked! This could be the best thing that’s ever happened to women novelists like me.</p><p>First of all, I can stop competing with Jonathan Franzen. Franzen has been a real pain in my lady parts, and now that we&#8217;re not in the same category, I can stop feeling so awful about my writing. While I knew in my heart&#8217;s core we would never be in the same league, now we&#8217;re literally never going to be in the same league. Such a relief! I mean, for real.</p><p>B.) There’s also less competition within my segregated field. Because fewer books by women are published, I have a higher probability of success. (That’s how math works, correct?) Like my woman parent always says, “It’s easier to win when everyone else is losing. Now let’s go clean the toilet!”</p><p><a href="http://therumpus.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/novel.jpg"><img class="alignright size-medium wp-image-114027" alt="novel" src="http://therumpus.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/novel-300x130.jpg" width="300" height="130" /></a>Apparently the list of “American Novelists” is too long, so I see why subcategories are necessary. It’s like when my inbox is too full and I have to archive certain emails and forget about them forever. (I have email folders for “Etsy Sales,” “Sephora Sales,” “The Atlasphere: Ayn Rand News, Dating &amp; Social Networking Newsletters,” and so on.) Organization and labeling are supreme virtues, above most other less supreme virtues like equality and fairness. I’d like to see Wikipedia continue this helpful sub-categorization. “American Women Comedians” is an obvious one.</p><p>I was immersing myself in women&#8217;s literature the other day—by that I mean I was reading a cookbook—and that’s when I knew what I should do. I will write the next Great American Woman’s Novel. It’ll be part romance fiction/journal/doodles/<wbr></wbr>musings/sestina about kittens and friendship/an illuminating treatise about the way we live now/word cloud, and it will cover the typical subject matters women write about: marriage, motherhood, yogurt, dating as a competitive sport, emotional warfare, housework, tampons, rainbows, midwifery, gardening, hysteria, beauty products, weight gain, weight loss, the art of being shrill, divorce, magic, and light bondage.</p><p>One chapter will be an audio file of Taylor Swift songs.<br />One chapter will be just emojis.<br />One chapter will be my grocery list.<br />One chapter will be a link to my Pinterest page.<br />One chapter will be manufactured with drops of my blood, sweat, and tears.<br />One chapter will be me making a sandwich for all the “American Novelists.”</p><p>If I have any deep, universal, logical thoughts or opinions, I’ll write them down on Post-Its and then chew them up and swallow them to maintain the illusion women don&#8217;t write about those things.</p><p>Of course I’ll write TNGAWN with <a href="http://jezebel.com/5938108/amazon-customers-go-rogue-hilariously-review-the-bics-idiotic-pen-for-women" target="_blank">BIC for Her</a> pens, designed to fit a woman’s hand. The XY pens I’d been using were heavy and obstructed my flow of words, but BIC for Her’s comfortable and innovative design makes writing a pure pleasure. The pink one is for writing thoughts I’m thinking and the purple one is for feelings I’m feeling. I’ve outsourced the typing to a man helper to whom I pay 30 percent more for the work than I would ask to be paid were I employed as an outsourced typist.</p><p>I&#8217;ll publish the novel via my self-publishing operation Books by Her, and some smart men in design and marketing will slap on a cover that my cervix can really identify with—like a canary yellow cover depicting high-heeled shoes atop a glistening martini glass made with bits of the glass ceiling we just totally cracked by letting it crash to the floor.</p><p>It’s true that books by women aren’t reviewed as often in thought-leader newspapers and magazines, and it’s a vicious cycle—women are systematically underrepresented in reviews, so they have fewer “credible source&#8221; citations on Wikipedia, so fewer wombyn are “notable,” so people who browse Wikipedia based on notability won’t readily see them—that I’d rather stay out of. And anyway, more women than men buy books; ergo, my novel will be a bestseller even if no one hears about it.</p><p>I could fight subcategorization—encourage writers of femininity to start editing Wikipedia, to create new entries and flood the system with new perspectives, maybe alter the way information is organized, possibly influence how a story gets told, just do tiny, fixable things that make it easier for women to gain equality—but that’d take me away from writing the next Great American Woman’s Novel—tentatively titled <em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m1EFMoRFvY" target="_blank">All the Single Ladies</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A" target="_blank">Just Wanna Have Fun</a>!</em>—so, you know, <em>pass</em>.</p><p>I guess what I’m saying is, maybe this is a high point. American Women Novelists are special. Chosen. In a category all our own.</p><p>Man, we’ve come a long way, baby.</p><p>***<br />[N.B. In “<a href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/deannazandt/2013/04/26/yes-wikipedia-is-sexist-thats-why-it-needs-you/?utm_source=twitterfeed&amp;utm_medium=twitter" target="_blank">Yes, Wikipedia Is Sexist -- That's Why It Needs You</a>,” Deanna Zandt offers resources available for beginners to get started editing Wikipedia:</p><ul><li>Wikipedia has a welcome <a href="http://outreach.wikimedia.org/wiki/Bookshelf/Wikipedia" target="_blank">library of resources</a> that includes handbooks and videos on principles of editing and how to use the editing tools.</li><li><a href="https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/WikiWomen's_Collaborative" target="_blank">WikiWomen</a> is a collective of people interested in supporting women’s activities in the community. It’s both a rallying cause and resource for women’s participation, as well as a supportive environment in which to learn.</li><li><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Teahouse" target="_blank">The Teahouse</a> is a community gathering spot on Wikipedia for newcomers (of all genders) to ask questions and get help with problems they might be having.</li><li>Of course, <a href="http://www.deannazandt.com/services/" target="_blank">[Deanna’s] own work</a>: I teach introductory webinars and workshops on Wikipedia principles, tools and resources, and have tailored those workshops to primarily women-centered groups.]</li></ul><p>***</p><p>Please submit your own funny writing to <a href="http://therumpus.submishmash.com/submit" target="_blank">our Rumpus submission manager powered by Submittable</a>. See first: <a href="http://therumpus.net/2010/2010/2010/2009/08/funny-women-submission-guidelines/" target="_blank">Funny Women Submission Guidelines</a>.</p><div><p>To read other Funny Women pieces and interviews, see the <a href="http://therumpus.net/2010/sections/blogs/funny-women-blogs/" target="_blank">archives</a>.</p></div><h3 class='related_post_title'>Related Posts:</h3><ul class='related_post'><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/05/women-are-bitches/' title='Women are Bitches'>Women are Bitches</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/05/props-from-a-fellow-funny-woman/' title='Props from a Fellow Funny Woman'>Props from a Fellow Funny Woman</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/05/coverflip-if-books-by-men-were-by-women/' title='Coverflip: If Books By Men Were By Women'>Coverflip: If Books By Men Were By Women</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/04/dear-wikipedia-editors/' title='Dear Wikipedia Editors,'>Dear Wikipedia Editors,</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2012/11/the-good-old-days/' title='The Good Old Days'>The Good Old Days</a></li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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		<slash:comments>18</slash:comments>
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		<title>The Riveter: Read and Submit!</title>
		<link>http://therumpus.net/2013/03/the-riveter-read-and-submit/</link>
		<comments>http://therumpus.net/2013/03/the-riveter-read-and-submit/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 26 Mar 2013 15:24:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Elissa Bassist</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Other]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://therumpus.net/?p=112575</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>Joining <a href="http://therumpus.net/2013/03/pdxx-collective-read-and-submit/">PDXX Collective</a> and <a href="http://therumpus.net/2013/03/help-vela-celebrate-unsung-women-writers/">Vela</a>, there&#8217;s another new online magazine offering &#8220;riveting storytelling by women.&#8221; It&#8217;s cleverly called <a href="http://therivetermagazine.com/">The Riveter.</a></p><p>Kaylen Ralph and Joanna Demkiewicz, a.k.a. &#8220;The Rosies,&#8221; created The Riveter to celebrate &#8221;the diversity of the female experience by publishing original longform and narrative pieces by women.&#8221; As two female twentysomething journalism students, Kaylen and Joanna &#8221;needed to create a space where [they] could exist.&#8221; Preach.</p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Joining <a href="http://therumpus.net/2013/03/pdxx-collective-read-and-submit/">PDXX Collective</a> and <a href="http://therumpus.net/2013/03/help-vela-celebrate-unsung-women-writers/">Vela</a>, there&#8217;s another new online magazine offering &#8220;riveting storytelling by women.&#8221; It&#8217;s cleverly called <a href="http://therivetermagazine.com/">The Riveter.</a></p><p>Kaylen Ralph and Joanna Demkiewicz, a.k.a. &#8220;The Rosies,&#8221; created The Riveter to celebrate &#8221;the diversity of the female experience by publishing original longform and narrative pieces by women.&#8221; As two female twentysomething journalism students, Kaylen and Joanna &#8221;needed to create a space where [they] could exist.&#8221; Preach.</p><p>&#8220;We noticed a void in the representation of female longform journalists. This is our effort to fill it.&#8221; Fill that void! (Sex pun thoroughly intended.)<span id="more-112575"></span></p><p>To submit original work, email therivetermagazine AT gmail.com.</p><p>The site also profiles women writers, like <em>moi</em>, <a href="http://therivetermagazine.com/2013/03/22/part-i-elissa-bassist-on-writing-thats-really-girly-cheryl-strayed-and-cherry-icees/">here</a> and <a href="http://therivetermagazine.com/2013/03/25/part-ii-elissa-bassist-on-the-inevitable-write-like-a-motherfucker-mantra/">here</a>. (If you use French, self-promotion is less disgusting, right?)</p><p>(Quick aside: I own a Rosie the Riveter action figure that looks like <a href="http://www.evolvefish.com/fish/media/M-RosieActionfigure.jpg">this</a>. I often use her accessories, a brown plastic rivet gun and black plastic lunchpail with “ROSIE” written in white, as placeholders in books. Rosie&#8217;s right hand is clenched into a fist and her left is the shape of an “O,” a place to fit the handle of her gun or lunchpail or a miniature penis, sold separately. She has a firm expression, big breasts, a polka-dotted red bandanna, red lips, blue jumpsuit, and a camel toe. Buy yours today!)<br /><h3 class='related_post_title'>Related Posts:</h3><ul class='related_post'><li>No related posts&#8230;</li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>PDXX Collective: Read and Submit!</title>
		<link>http://therumpus.net/2013/03/pdxx-collective-read-and-submit/</link>
		<comments>http://therumpus.net/2013/03/pdxx-collective-read-and-submit/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 04 Mar 2013 18:45:46 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Elissa Bassist</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Other]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PDXX Collective]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://therumpus.net/?p=110835</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>There&#8217;s a new <a href="http://pdxxcollective.com/">website for women writers</a>. The PDXX Collective is a daily dosage of literary feminism, exploring how publishing more women writers can provide more social equality between the genders. Fuck yeah!</p><p><a href="http://pdxxcollective.wordpress.com/our-writers/mary/">Mary Breaden</a> began this online writers’ collective with the goal of making a weekly smashup of women writers. Over the next three months, the <a href="http://pdxxcollective.com/our-writers/">PDXX writers</a> will be conducting interviews with women writers, publishers, and business owners they admire, including <a href="http://chloecaldwell.com/">Chloe Caldwell</a>, <a href="http://www.lidiayuknavitch.net/">Lidia Yuknavitch</a>, Chandler O&#8217;Leary of <a href="http://anagram-press.com/">Anagram Press</a>, Krista Lyons of Seal Press, and more.</p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>There&#8217;s a new <a href="http://pdxxcollective.com/">website for women writers</a>. The PDXX Collective is a daily dosage of literary feminism, exploring how publishing more women writers can provide more social equality between the genders. Fuck yeah!</p><p><a href="http://pdxxcollective.wordpress.com/our-writers/mary/">Mary Breaden</a> began this online writers’ collective with the goal of making a weekly smashup of women writers. Over the next three months, the <a href="http://pdxxcollective.com/our-writers/">PDXX writers</a> will be conducting interviews with women writers, publishers, and business owners they admire, including <a href="http://chloecaldwell.com/">Chloe Caldwell</a>, <a href="http://www.lidiayuknavitch.net/">Lidia Yuknavitch</a>, Chandler O&#8217;Leary of <a href="http://anagram-press.com/">Anagram Press</a>, Krista Lyons of Seal Press, and more. As aspiring writers themselves, they feel it&#8217;s important to connect with other women in publishing. Preach.<span id="more-110835"></span></p><p>If you are a woman writer with a killer beat or story to tell and are interested in contributing, <a href="http://pdxxcollective.com/about/">submit your stuff</a>. They publish literary fiction and nonfiction, as well as <a href="http://pdxxcollective.com/collective-response/">responses to particular current events</a>, and interviews.</p><p>And another thing! <a href="http://pdxxcollective.com/our-submissions/">PDXX has done a mitzvah by putting together a list of upcoming literary and e-journal deadlines</a>. Get up on it!</p><p>Thank you, PDXX Collective.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;<br /><h3 class='related_post_title'>Related Posts:</h3><ul class='related_post'><li>No related posts&#8230;</li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>BOMB&#8217;s Poetry Smackdown</title>
		<link>http://therumpus.net/2012/09/bombs-poetry-smackdown/</link>
		<comments>http://therumpus.net/2012/09/bombs-poetry-smackdown/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 14 Sep 2012 17:02:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Elissa Bassist</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Other]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://therumpus.net/?p=105627</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>As part of <a href="http://litcrawl.org/nyc/">Lit Crawl NYC</a>, <em>BOMB Magazine</em> presents: Poetry Smackdown this Saturday at 7pm at Dempsey&#8217;s Pub (61 2nd Avenue). Twelve poets will compete in a read-off to win the love of the audience and eternal glory. The first 50 people who attend will get a free chapbook of poetry by our contestants.</p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>As part of <a href="http://litcrawl.org/nyc/">Lit Crawl NYC</a>, <em>BOMB Magazine</em> presents: Poetry Smackdown this Saturday at 7pm at Dempsey&#8217;s Pub (61 2nd Avenue). Twelve poets will compete in a read-off to win the love of the audience and eternal glory. The first 50 people who attend will get a free chapbook of poetry by our contestants.</p><p><a href="http://therumpus.net/the-rumpus-poetry-book-club/">Rumpus Poetry Book Club</a> author <a href="http://leighstein.blogspot.com/">Leigh Stein</a> will MC, and judges include: Rumpus <a href="http://therumpus.net/sections/funny-women-blogs/">Funny Women</a> editor <a href="http://elissabassist.com">Elissa Bassist</a> (me, speaking of myself in the third person), <a href="http://www.vol1brooklyn.com/">Vol. 1 Brooklyn</a>&#8216;s Founding Editor <a href="http://www.imjasondiamond.com/">Jason Diamond</a>, and <a href="http://bombsite.com/"><em>BOMB Magazine&#8217;</em></a>s Online Poetry Editor <a href="https://twitter.com/jozephherceg">Jozeph Herceg</a>.</p><p>Poets being judged include:<span id="more-105627"></span><br />Melissa Broder<br />Sasha Fletcher<br />Sarah Gerard<br />Jennifer L. Knox<br />Jason Koo<br />Austin LaGrone<br />Dorothea Lasky<br />Dan Magers<br />Ben Pease<br />Bianca Stone<br />Brian Trimboli<br />M.A. Vizsolyi</p><p>We&#8217;d all be eternally grateful to see you on Saturday.<br /><h3 class='related_post_title'>Related Posts:</h3><ul class='related_post'><li>No related posts&#8230;</li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Notes from Jeanette Winterson&#8217;s Reading at McNally Jackson</title>
		<link>http://therumpus.net/2012/03/notes-from-jeanette-wintersons-reading-at-mcnally-jackson/</link>
		<comments>http://therumpus.net/2012/03/notes-from-jeanette-wintersons-reading-at-mcnally-jackson/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 Mar 2012 20:05:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Elissa Bassist</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Other]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[elissa bassist]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Jeanette Winterson]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://therumpus.net/?p=99463</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>Jeanette Winterson has the best-named memoir: <em><a href="http://www.powells.com/biblio?show=HARDCOVER%3ANEW%3A9780802120106%3A25.00">Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?</a></em> She spoke about the story behind the title during her reading at <a href="http://mcnallyjackson.com/">McNally Jackson</a> bookstore in NYC:</p><blockquote><p>When Jeanette W. was fifteen, she fell in love with another girl and couldn&#8217;t hide it.</p></blockquote>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Jeanette Winterson has the best-named memoir: <em><a href="http://www.powells.com/biblio?show=HARDCOVER%3ANEW%3A9780802120106%3A25.00">Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?</a></em> She spoke about the story behind the title during her reading at <a href="http://mcnallyjackson.com/">McNally Jackson</a> bookstore in NYC:</p><blockquote><p>When Jeanette W. was fifteen, she fell in love with another girl and couldn&#8217;t hide it. Her mother, referred to as &#8220;Mrs. Winterson,&#8221; staged an exorcism (no joke). Of exorcisms, Jeanette W. says, &#8220;You go in feeling strong, and you leave feeling the devil is inside you.&#8221;</p><p>Mrs. Winterson issued an ultimatum: &#8220;Give up the girl or leave home.&#8221; As Jeanette W. packed her bags, Mrs. Winterson asked, &#8220;Why are you doing this?&#8221; Jeanette W. said, &#8220;To be happy.&#8221; Mrs. Winterson then asked, &#8220;Why be happy when you could be normal?&#8221;<span id="more-99463"></span></p><p>Jeanette W. wondered if this was a false question. Now she believes when you do the right thing, you are not happy. You often feel worse than you did in the comfortable wrong place. But that&#8217;s life.</p></blockquote><p>Other things Jeanette W. said (some are quotations from her book):</p><p>- The opening line of her novel <em>Written on the Body</em> is: &#8220;Why is the measure of love loss?&#8221; She wrote that twenty years ago, and she no longer believes it. She calls it a &#8220;young&#8221; thought. She now believes in the daily rising of love, reliable as the sun.</p><p>- &#8220;The Kindle is like phone sex&#8211;it&#8217;ll do but you have to go home to have the real thing.&#8221;</p><p>- &#8220;Life has an inside as well as an outside.&#8221;</p><p>- &#8220;Our interest in art is our interest in ourselves.&#8221;</p><p>- Trust yourself as a writer. Let your creativity tell you what to do. Allow it to be chaotic. Be absorbed and delighted by your obsessions.</p><p>- When she read the line &#8220;I pondered the horrors of heterosexuality&#8230;&#8221; out of her book, the room could not stop laughing. Then she added, &#8220;Think of me as Mitt Romney.&#8221; [Maybe "you had to be there."]<p>- Going bonkers takes time. Respect your own craziness.</p><p>- She doesn&#8217;t write in sequence. She doesn&#8217;t number her pages until the end.</p><p>- On revisiting the past: you understand memoirs in a new way. Open locked places to redeem them. The psyche tends towards healing. Creativity drives to keep you sane, whole.</p><p>- This is a book about hope. It is <a href="http://www.salon.com/2012/03/19/men_experiment_women_experience/">experiments in experience</a>. She believes there are three endings in all of history: 1) revenge, 2) tragedy, 3) forgiveness. Forgiveness is the only thing that can move something along. Invest in forgiveness.</p><p>- &#8220;Make sure Obama is reelected,&#8221; she said.<br /><h3 class='related_post_title'>Related Posts:</h3><ul class='related_post'><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/05/props-from-a-fellow-funny-woman/' title='Props from a Fellow Funny Woman'>Props from a Fellow Funny Woman</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/05/funny-women-100-writing-the-next-great-american-womans-novel/' title='FUNNY WOMEN #100: Writing the Next Great American Woman&#8217;s Novel'>FUNNY WOMEN #100: Writing the Next Great American Woman&#8217;s Novel</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/04/authors-deface-own-books-for-charity/' title='Authors Deface Own Books for Charity'>Authors Deface Own Books for Charity</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/03/rumpus-women-should-be-writing-for-harpers/' title='Rumpus Women Should Be Writing for &lt;em&gt;Harper&#8217;s&lt;/em&gt;!'>Rumpus Women Should Be Writing for <em>Harper&#8217;s</em>!</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/02/books-elissa-bassist-thinks-you-should-read/' title='Books Elissa Bassist Thinks You Should Read'>Books Elissa Bassist Thinks You Should Read</a></li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Link Roundup of F*ed Reproduction Regulations</title>
		<link>http://therumpus.net/2012/03/link-roundup-of-fed-reproduction-regulations/</link>
		<comments>http://therumpus.net/2012/03/link-roundup-of-fed-reproduction-regulations/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Mar 2012 19:14:10 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Elissa Bassist</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://therumpus.net/?p=99110</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>The last few months have been like a post-apocalyptic dystopian young adult novel re: women&#8217;s health.</p><p>First there was Nancy Pelosi&#8217;s GOP Oversight hearing <a href="http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s720x720/427719_10150695171509384_86574174383_11387229_124146115_n.jpg">photo</a> showing five men testifying on women’s health. &#8221;<a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/251fa6410b/women-s-health-experts-speak-out">What qualifies me to be an expert on women&#8217;s reproductive health?</a></p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The last few months have been like a post-apocalyptic dystopian young adult novel re: women&#8217;s health.</p><p>First there was Nancy Pelosi&#8217;s GOP Oversight hearing <a href="http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s720x720/427719_10150695171509384_86574174383_11387229_124146115_n.jpg">photo</a> showing five men testifying on women’s health. &#8221;<a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/251fa6410b/women-s-health-experts-speak-out">What qualifies me to be an expert on women&#8217;s reproductive health? I&#8217;m a 59-year-old man.</a>&#8221;</p><p>Then Sandra Fluke testified, arguing in favor of requiring private insurance plans to cover contraception coverage. For this, <a href="http://theweek.com/article/index/225214/rush-limbaugh-vs-sandra-fluke-a-timeline">Rush Limbaugh</a> called Fluke a “slut” and a “prostitute” who is &#8220;having so much sex she can&#8217;t afford contraception&#8221; and is someone who “wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex” and then “post the videos online so we can all watch.” Hey, Rush, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkOwhYm_v7M&amp;feature=related">watch this</a>.<span id="more-99110"></span></p><p>Rush also said: &#8220;Have you ever heard of not having sex? Have you ever heard of not having sex so often?&#8221; &#8220;[Fluke] wants all the sex in the world, whenever she wants it, all the time&#8230;they&#8217;re lined up around the block&#8230;We&#8217;re talking sex-addict frequency here&#8230;Immoral, baseless, no-purpose-to-her-life woman&#8230;Mrs. Fluke, who bought your condoms in junior high?&#8221; &#8220;She&#8217;s having so much sex, I can&#8217;t imagine she can still walk.&#8221; Hey, Rush, I can&#8217;t imagine you can still walk after <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGYTUdKnI34">this</a>. Also, to be fair, I&#8217;ve heard of not having sex; it&#8217;s called loneliness. Ladies, am I right?!</p><p><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57379586-503544/foster-friess-in-my-day-women-used-bayer-aspirin-for-contraceptives/">Foster Friess</a>, the billionaire funder to the super PAC supporting Rick Santorum, said, “And this contraceptive thing, my gosh, it’s such [sic] inexpensive. Back in my day, they used <a href="http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs/bayerrun.jpg">Bayer aspirin</a> for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn’t that costly.”</p><p>And Virginia introduced a bill that would require any woman getting an abortion to submit to the invasive procedure known as a transvaginal ultrasound, allowing a woman to “view her child.” Of the bill, Virginia Governor <a href="http://ideas.time.com/2012/03/07/subject-for-debate-are-women-people/">Bob McDonnell</a> said: “This was about empowering women with more medical and legal information that previously they were not required to get in order to give informed consent.”</p><p><a href="http://www.mtcapitolreport.org/committees/judiciary/women-are-not-cattle-or-property">Rep. Regier equated a pregnant women to pregnant cows and half built houses. He even provided pictures.</a></p><p>All of this relied on the de facto thinking: I&#8217;m an an old white man, so I know all things. Do these men think their proximity to vaginas empowers them? <em>Hey, I’m vagina-adjacent, so listen to everything I have to say and take it as ironclad truth. </em>The evidence: <a href="http://jezebel.com/5893233/great-moments-in-not-knowing-shit-about-birth-control">People Who Know Nothing about Birth Control&#8230;Talking about Birth Control</a>. After watching that, I suggest you watch <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouDDj6kr1qo">this</a>.</p>[On a personal note, I am over these desperate attempts to limit a woman’s power and autonomy and intelligence and choice and desire, attempts that render these attributes secondary and therefore not so threatening. To maintain the status quo. The above proposed legislation and verbal abuse and personal assault makes 2012 look like an unenlightened, medieval period. It’s a twist on what Voltaire once said about inventing ways for the people in the power to stay in power. See also: the venerable Roxane Gay's "<a href="http://therumpus.net/2012/03/the-alienable-rights-of-women/">The Alienable Rights of Women</a>."]<p>***</p><p>Now female lawmakers are submitting bills regulating men&#8217;s health to see how the men like it. Bless the backlash.</p><p>Cleveland Sen. Nina Turner introduced Senate Bill 307 this week to <a href="http://www.daytondailynews.com/news/dayton-news/bill-introduced-to-regulate-mens-reproductive-health-1341547.html">regulate men&#8217;s reproductive health</a>, according to the <em>Dayton Daily News: </em>&#8220;Before getting a prescription for Viagra or other erectile dysfunction drugs, men would have to see a sex therapist, receive a cardiac stress test and get a notarized affidavit signed by a sexual partner affirming impotency.&#8221;</p><p>Instead of asking, &#8220;Do you have a condom?,&#8221; imagine asking, &#8220;Do you have a notary?&#8221;</p><p>&#8220;Turner’s bill joins a trend of female lawmakers submitting bills regulating men’s health,&#8221; and Hannah Levintova at <em>Mother Jones </em>compiled a list of such bills here: <a href="http://motherjones.com/mojo/2012/03/birth-control-viagra-vasectomy-laws">Insane Sex Laws Inspired by Republicans</a>.</p><p>My favorites:</p><blockquote><p><strong>Delaware:</strong> By an 8 to 4 vote, the Wilmington, Delaware, city council <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/02/wilmington-city-council-sperm-egg-personhood_n_1316924.html" target="_blank">recognized the personhood of semen</a> because &#8220;each &#8216;egg person&#8217; and each &#8216;sperm person&#8217; should be deemed equal in the eyes of the government.&#8221;</p></blockquote><p>Think of how many children you&#8217;re shooting into tube socks every hour of every day, gentlemen. Shame on you!</p><blockquote><p><strong>Virginia:</strong> As the state Senate debated <a href="http://motherjones.com/mojo/2012/03/why-virginias-new-mandatory-ultrasound-law-still-sucks" target="_blank">requiring transvaginal ultrasounds</a> for women seeking abortions, Sen. Janet Howell proposed mandating rectal exams and cardiac stress tests for men seeking erectile dysfunction meds. Her amendment failed by just two votes.</p></blockquote><p>Put that in your poop-shoot and smoke it. Or something equally nonsensical.</p><blockquote><p><strong>Illinois</strong><strong>:</strong> State Rep. Kelly Cassidy proposed requiring men seeking Viagra to watch a video showing <a href="http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2012/03/02/lawmaker-men-who-want-viagra-should-have-to-watch-graphic-side-effects-video/" target="_blank">the treatment for persistent erections</a>, an occasional side effect of the little blue pill. As she explained, &#8220;It&#8217;s not a pretty procedure to watch.&#8221;</p></blockquote><p>I propose an addendum: compile a video of every movie/medical TV drama scene of a dick being forcibly deflated/amputated/otherwise lobbed off. Off the top of my head, I can think of scenes in <em>Grey&#8217;s Anatomy, Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever</em>, and <em>House</em>. [Shockingly, I could not find YouTube evidence. Just trust me.]<p><em>Saturday Night Live&#8217;s</em> Weekend Update had some good jokes in the segment <a href="http://www.hulu.com/watch/331282/saturday-night-live-really-with-seth-and-amy-birth-control#s-p2-sr-i2">Really!?! With Seth and Amy: Birth Control</a>, Seth Meyers says: &#8221;[Virginia also] passed a bill saying life begins at conception. What&#8217;s next: Life begins at &#8216;last call&#8217;? Life begins when you click &#8216;save&#8217; [sic] on your Match.com profile?&#8221; Life begins with a glint of libido in the eye?</p><p>Poehler spoke for all women when she added, &#8220;Don&#8217;t tell me what to do!&#8221;</p><p>Similarly, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Izv7CokGEE">stop trying to silence us</a>.</p><p>See also: <a href="http://ideas.time.com/2012/03/07/subject-for-debate-are-women-people/">Subject for Debate: Are Women People?</a> &#8221;This debate has reached critical mass, and leaves me uncertain of my legal and moral status. Am I a person? An object? A ward of the state? A “prostitute”? (And if I’m the last of these, where do I drop off my W-2?).&#8221;</p><p>***</p><p>In response to female lawmakers submitting bills regulating men&#8217;s health, Janine Brito, a lazy old back-up singer named Jewelie, and I, a.k.a. &#8220;The Transvaginal UltraWand Singers,&#8221; invented a few of our own. See today&#8217;s &#8220;<a href="http://therumpus.net/2012/03/funny-women-77-penal-codes/">Funny Women #77: Penal Codes</a>.&#8221;<br /><h3 class='related_post_title'>Related Posts:</h3><ul class='related_post'><li>No related posts&#8230;</li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Welcome to the Girls&#8217; Club</title>
		<link>http://therumpus.net/2012/03/welcome-to-the-girls-club/</link>
		<comments>http://therumpus.net/2012/03/welcome-to-the-girls-club/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 08 Mar 2012 22:28:33 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Elissa Bassist</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Funny Women]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://therumpus.net/?p=98959</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7036/6819324974_d31928061d_m.jpg" alt="" width="240" height="180" /></p><p>&#8220;We’re secretaries fully versed in Derrida, receptionists who have read Proust in French. This is a land of girls. There are always at least ten of &#8216;us&#8217; for every one of &#8216;him.&#8217;&#8221;  –Meghan Daum, <a href="http://www.powells.com/biblio/1-9781890447267-1">“Publishing and Other Near-Death Experiences”</a></p><div><p>Fuck yeah, <a href="http://www.meghandaum.com/" target="_blank">Meghan Daum</a>.</p></div>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img class="alignnone" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7036/6819324974_d31928061d_m.jpg" alt="" width="240" height="180" /></p><p>&#8220;We’re secretaries fully versed in Derrida, receptionists who have read Proust in French. This is a land of girls. There are always at least ten of &#8216;us&#8217; for every one of &#8216;him.&#8217;&#8221;  –Meghan Daum, <a href="http://www.powells.com/biblio/1-9781890447267-1">“Publishing and Other Near-Death Experiences”</a></p><div><p>Fuck yeah, <a href="http://www.meghandaum.com/" target="_blank">Meghan Daum</a>.</p><p>I learned about the old boys&#8217; club when I took women&#8217;s studies classes in college. These were the places to which men would gravitate, clandestinely (to me, from me), to be men, to do men-like things, such as smoke cigars, play on the back nine, continue the gender polarity, etc.</p><p>Then I worked in publishing and saw the boys&#8217; club up close and was so indignant about what I called &#8220;The Circle Jerk&#8221; and was so hurt to be excluded from it&#8230;and all that indignation and hurt got me about as far as nowhere.<span id="more-98959"></span></p><p>Oh, and of course I crapped on the women in my field. <a href="http://jezebel.com/5885686/lil-kim-calls-nicki-minaj-a-stupd-ho" target="_blank">Like when Lil&#8217; Kim referred to Nicki Minaj as a stupid ho</a>. Jezebel writer Dodai Stewart commented: &#8220;There are so few women in hip-hop. Maybe it&#8217;s foolish or naively idealistic, but if these ladies would quit being threatened by each other and develop a sense of sisterhood, it might turn into something amazing.&#8221; Fuck yeah, <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/dodaistewart" target="_blank">Dodai Stewart</a>. The way women feel about other women is how I assume the 1% feel about the 99%: let the weak fight among themselves.</p><p><a href="http://www.vidaweb.org/">VIDA&#8217;s count</a>&#8211;which looks at prominent magazines and identifies the gender breakdown of writers, reviewers, and books reviewed&#8211;provides evidence of the problem we&#8217;re up against. And we&#8217;ll get just about as far as nowhere if we don&#8217;t woman-up and help each other.</p><p>Last week I received an email from <a href="http://feministing.com/members/maya/" target="_blank">Feministing contributor Maya Dusenbery</a> with a link to GOOD magazine&#8217;s article <a href="http://www.good.is/post/promote-women-use-your-network-to-solve-the-byline-gap/" target="_blank">Promote Women: Use Your Network to Solve the Gender Gap</a>. Maya wrote, &#8220;I&#8217;m sure you&#8217;ve seen this <a href="http://www.good.is/post/promote-women-use-your-network-to-solve-the-byline-gap/" target="_blank">idea</a> from the great <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/annfriedman" target="_blank">Ann Friedman</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/rachelsklar" target="_blank">Rachel Sklar</a> and <a href="http://www.good.is/community/Amanda%20Hess">Amanda Hess</a>. I am trying to do it.&#8221;</p><p>The idea: &#8220;Stop lamenting and start doing.&#8221;</p><p>The steps:</p><blockquote><p>1) Think of <strong>three women in your industry</strong> who are underpaid, underemployed, or under-noticed.</p><p>2) Think of <strong>three powerful people</strong> (of any gender) in your industry who you know personally and who are in a position to hire or assign to women.</p><p>3)<strong> Compose an email to each of those powerful people</strong> individually and recommend a specific woman they should meet, hire, or otherwise work with.</p><p>4)<strong> Email those women </strong>and tell them you’ve recommended them.</p></blockquote><p>The takeaway: &#8220;Use your network. Endorse women today.&#8221; No vagina left behind!</p><p>The followup: &#8220;Submit your stories to <a href="http://good.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">GOOD&#8217;s Tumblr</a>, on Twitter with the <a href="http://twitter.com/#!/search/realtime/%23promotewomen" target="_blank">#promotewomen</a> hashtag . . . We&#8217;ll compile your stories and publish them as inspiration. We have the power to end the gender gap. Take five minutes and send three emails to do something about it.&#8221;</p><p>Fuck yeah, <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/annfriedman" target="_blank">Ann Friedman</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/rachelsklar" target="_blank">Rachel Sklar</a>! You two should pitch a TV show called <em>Networking Women,</em> with the catch-phrase &#8220;Let&#8217;s build this network!&#8221;</p><p>**</p><p>I found another &#8220;girls&#8217; club&#8221; type article through VIDA&#8217;s Facebook page: <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/booksblog/2012/mar/02/literary-criticism-gender" target="_blank">Institutional sexism of books world needs new girls&#8217; network</a> by <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/jennifer-weiner" rel="author" target="_blank">Jennifer Weiner</a>.<em> </em></p><p>She says:</p><p>&#8220;Instead of hoping that someday the boys&#8217; club will open its doors and let us up into the treehouse, we can form our own clubs, define &#8216;worthy&#8217; our own way, and celebrate the books and voices that we decide deserve celebration.&#8221; Fuck YEAH, Jennifer Weiner!</p><p>It&#8217;s as if Weiner is speaking directly to GOOD&#8217;s project when she calls out that &#8221;important publications have male editors. They fill vacancies by word of mouth instead of advertising openings, and hire people they know. Nothing&#8217;s going to change until we change the ratio of the people on top, and the people who know people who can open doors.&#8221;</p><p>Weiner points to writer Anne Trubek who &#8220;made an incredibly generous offer, saying, essentially, here&#8217;s where I&#8217;ve been published. If you are a woman writer who wants to be published in one of these places, email me, and I&#8217;ll tell you whom I pitched and how I did it. And other writers have offered their own lists on Twitter. Blogger <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/AlyssaRosenberg">Alyssa Rosenberg</a> posted <a title="" href="http://thinkprogress.org/alyssa/2012/03/01/435131/ten-women-major-magazines-should-be-commissioning/">a list of 10 women writers who&#8217;d be great fits for some of the VIDA publications</a>.&#8221;</p><p>(I&#8217;m sure this is getting old, but I&#8217;m still into it&#8230;) FUCK YEAH, <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/atrubek" target="_blank">ANNE TRUBEK</a>!</p><p>If you are a woman writer who wants to be published in the Funny Women column, email me at funnywomen at therumpus dot net.</p><p>A few more choice quotations from Weiner:</p><blockquote><p>1) &#8220;We are going to have to speak up for ourselves, and help each other, if those abysmal ratios are ever going to change.&#8221;</p><p>2) &#8220;In the end, it&#8217;s going to take a New Girls&#8217; (and Boys&#8217;) Network to counter the Old Boys Network. Men and women committed to change are going to have to step up and speak out.&#8221;</p><p>3) &#8220;Popular women writers might not get the reviews, or the respect – but we do have the readers. These readers are eager to find the next great essay, or novel, or magazine piece, and they trust us to help them find it. I&#8217;m committed to using my voice and talking about women writers who aren&#8217;t getting the quality or quantity of attention that their male peers receive. In the past few years, I&#8217;ve done blogposts, Q&amp;As and I&#8217;ve had a lot of success with giveaways, where I ask readers to purchase a book by a female author . . . and then send them one of my books for free.&#8221;</p></blockquote><p>Readers: if you purchase a book by a female author, I will send you an air high-five for free.</p><p>**</p><p>See also: <a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/female-friends-spend-raucous-night-validating-the,27446/" target="_blank">Female Friends Spend Raucous Night Validating the Living Shit out of Each Other</a>. A few tips within:</p><blockquote><p>1) Get your female friends together &#8220;at least once a month for an all-out, anything-goes session of nonjudgmental reassurances . . . with friends sharing excessive amounts of admiration, empathy, and encouragement for one another.&#8221;</p><p>2) Just go &#8220;balls out with the confidence-boosting,&#8221; partaking &#8220;in seven or eight mutual expressions of positive regard.&#8221; Bolster &#8220;the shit out of [your friend's] self-esteem.&#8221;</p><p>3) Keep &#8220;telling her how fucking talented and beautiful she [is].&#8221;</p></blockquote><p>Fuck yeah!</p></div><h3 class='related_post_title'>Related Posts:</h3><ul class='related_post'><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/05/funny-women-101-threat-assessment-and-risk-analysis-for-n-drew/' title='FUNNY WOMEN #101: Threat Assessment and Risk Analysis for N. Drew'>FUNNY WOMEN #101: Threat Assessment and Risk Analysis for N. Drew</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/05/props-from-a-fellow-funny-woman/' title='Props from a Fellow Funny Woman'>Props from a Fellow Funny Woman</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/05/first-of-all-i-can-stop-competing-with-jonathan-franzen/' title='&#8220;First of all, I can stop competing with Jonathan Franzen&#8221;'>&#8220;First of all, I can stop competing with Jonathan Franzen&#8221;</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/05/funny-women-100-writing-the-next-great-american-womans-novel/' title='FUNNY WOMEN #100: Writing the Next Great American Woman&#8217;s Novel'>FUNNY WOMEN #100: Writing the Next Great American Woman&#8217;s Novel</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/03/112681/' title='Thanks, Bitch!'>Thanks, Bitch!</a></li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Notes from Treasure Island!!!</title>
		<link>http://therumpus.net/2012/02/notes-from-treasure-island/</link>
		<comments>http://therumpus.net/2012/02/notes-from-treasure-island/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 17 Feb 2012 14:00:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Elissa Bassist</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Book Club Blog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[books]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sara levine]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://therumpus.net/?p=97929</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>Author Sara Levine read a few chapters from her novel <em><a href="http://www.powells.com/biblio/1-9781609450618-0">Treasure Island!!!</a></em> (a <a href="http://therumpus.net/bookclub/">Rumpus Book Club</a> selection) at WORD bookstore in Brooklyn and said wonderfully interesting things during the Q &#38; A with the audience:</p><p><strong>On male plots v. female plots:<span id="more-97929"></span></strong></p><p>- Generally, men&#8217;s books are about abandoning consciousness and setting off for adventures and solving physical problems; Levine wanted to write a book with a female protagonist who wants a physical adventure but can&#8217;t have one.</p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Author Sara Levine read a few chapters from her novel <em><a href="http://www.powells.com/biblio/1-9781609450618-0">Treasure Island!!!</a></em> (a <a href="http://therumpus.net/bookclub/">Rumpus Book Club</a> selection) at WORD bookstore in Brooklyn and said wonderfully interesting things during the Q &amp; A with the audience:</p><p><strong>On male plots v. female plots:<span id="more-97929"></span></strong></p><p>- Generally, men&#8217;s books are about abandoning consciousness and setting off for adventures and solving physical problems; Levine wanted to write a book with a female protagonist who wants a physical adventure but can&#8217;t have one. Levine &#8220;refused to leave the feminine behind,&#8221; which I took to mean that she didn&#8217;t want to drop a female character into a traditional male plot because that would mean abandoning the real constraints women face&#8211;the obligations/tethers to life that preclude &#8220;going out into the world!&#8221;</p><p>- This reminded me of Sylvia Path writing in her journal at eighteen about her &#8220;consuming desire to mingle with road crews, sailors, and soldiers, barroom regulars&#8211;to be part of a scene, anonymous, listening, recording . . . to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night&#8221;; but, she goes on to say (in a tone I can only read as &#8220;torpedo to the gut&#8221;), she can do none of this, because, &#8220;I am a girl, a female, always in danger of assault.&#8221; The adventures of men and women are different.</p><p><strong>On <em></em></strong><em><strong>Treasure Island!!!!</strong></em><strong>’s narrator:</strong></p><p>- Like Ryan Gosling&#8217;s character in <em>Drive</em>, the protagonist/narrator does not have a name. Levine thought a name like &#8220;Betsy&#8221; would imbue the narrator with too many prefab characteristics. As a stylistic device, the lack of a name refuses the reader a handle on her.</p><p>- There&#8217;s a moral center to the book the narrator does not inhabit (she is sometimes a monster).</p><p>- On the narrator being &#8220;<a href="http://therumpus.net/2012/02/lessons-not-learned/">unlikable</a>,&#8221; Levine said, &#8220;No one asks this of male narrators, to be likable.&#8221; Also, she has many likable qualities, for example: wit and mental quickness, and we as readers are sympathetic to her yearning to be better.</p><p>- She&#8217;s not a &#8220;chick lit&#8221; girl with whom you&#8217;d want to go shop shopping or discuss waxing habits.</p><p>- &#8220;Certain people have outed her as a Jew.&#8221;</p><p><strong>On the narrator&#8217;s Core Values &#8220;Boldness, Resolution, Independence, Horn Blowing&#8221;:</strong></p><p>- If Levine had to pick her own four Core Values, she&#8217;d go with: &#8220;compassion, empathy, patience, kindness.&#8221; She never suggests these straight in the book; she prefers to come at it slant. Points to Sara Levine for referencing <a href="http://nongae.gsnu.ac.kr/~songmu/Poetry/TellAllTheTruthButTEllItSlant.htm">Emily Dickinson</a> in conversation.</p><p><strong>On her favorite book:</strong></p><p>- Sara (we&#8217;re now on a first-name basis after the Dickinson triumph) calls herself a serial monogamist&#8211;she loves one book after another after another. (Don&#8217;t we all.)</p><p><strong>On her writing style: </strong></p><p>- Slow. She believes in putting work in a drawer. (I have since created a folder on my desktop entitled &#8220;Writing Drawer.&#8221; I suggest you do the same&#8211;then we can be twinsies!)</p><p>- She discourages students from publishing too fast&#8211;most want to publish yesterday. (Don&#8217;t we all.)</p><p>- She likes short forms because she doesn&#8217;t like to take up a lot of space.</p><p><strong>On her editing style: </strong></p><p>- Compares her writing to a wall with fissures.</p><p>- Her critical eye becomes less critical with time. (Another benefit of putting work in the drawer.)</p><p><strong>On Robert Louis Stevenson: </strong></p><p>- Robert Louis Stevenson was 31 went he wrote<em> Treasure Island; </em>his parents still financially supported him. He had failed many times to write a book and worried he&#8217;d never make it as a writer. He was often wrong about things.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Note to potential readers: If you enjoy books where every sentence is a perfect sentence, I suggest you read <em><a href="http://www.powells.com/biblio/1-9781609450618-0">Treasure Island!!!</a> </em>by Sara Levine, who thinks her book would be more Jewish if she threw a question mark in the title.<br /><h3 class='related_post_title'>Related Posts:</h3><ul class='related_post'><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2012/02/lessons-not-learned/' title='Lessons Not Learned'>Lessons Not Learned</a></li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>FUNNY WOMEN #73: How to Write Like a Funny Woman</title>
		<link>http://therumpus.net/2012/01/funny-women-73-how-to-write-like-a-funny-woman/</link>
		<comments>http://therumpus.net/2012/01/funny-women-73-how-to-write-like-a-funny-woman/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 17 Jan 2012 20:42:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Elissa Bassist</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Funny Women]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[rumpus original]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://therumpus.net/?p=95124</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p><em><img class="alignleft" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7156/6716245241_e255d5aa80.jpg" alt="" width="121" height="150" />Recently, I started taking improv classes at <a href="http://www.ucbtheatre.com/about">Upright Citizens Brigade Theater</a> in New York (founded by the high priestess of funny, Amy Poehler). During each class exercise, I&#8217;d think, &#8220;This would help my writing.&#8221; I compiled a list of</em><em> writing lessons I learned from Improv 101:<span id="more-95124"></span></em></p><p>1.</p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em><img class="alignleft" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7156/6716245241_e255d5aa80.jpg" alt="" width="121" height="150" />Recently, I started taking improv classes at <a href="http://www.ucbtheatre.com/about">Upright Citizens Brigade Theater</a> in New York (founded by the high priestess of funny, Amy Poehler). During each class exercise, I&#8217;d think, &#8220;This would help my writing.&#8221; I compiled a list of</em><em> writing lessons I learned from Improv 101:<span id="more-95124"></span></em></p><p>1. <em>B</em><em>e in a scene (a place, a time, an action)</em>. I used to start scenes with a joke and go from there; one day my teacher, the venerable <a href="https://twitter.com/chelseaclarke">Chelsea Clarke</a>, stopped me and said, &#8220;Be rowing a boat.&#8221; I began rowing a fake boat, and suddenly, I was a character in a boat; the audience knew where I was and what I was doing.</p><p>It&#8217;s similarly knee-jerk to start a chapter discussing the metaphysics of unrequited love or whatever, but that&#8217;s disorientating to your reader because it&#8217;s like soliloquizing in space. Put your reader in a scene. Make one character be unrequitedly in love with another character rowing her boat.</p><blockquote><p>1a. Relatedly, I wrote a chapter that is 80% me talking about my emotions and blowjobs. After an hour-long conversation with an editor about how to organize/overhaul this chapter, she finally said, &#8220;Elissa! Get out of the talky headspace, and <em>present</em> [verb] moments, rather than talk on and on about them. Basically, I need to <em>see</em> the blowjob. Take me into the blowjob room.&#8221; Take your readers into the blowjob room.</p></blockquote><p>2. <em>Play to the top of your intelligence.</em> I wish I could explain this one better, but I think I just like the phrase, &#8220;Play to the top of your intelligence.&#8221; (Here is what Google says: &#8221;If your character is stupid, be smart about how you&#8217;re stupid,&#8221; which I take to mean, <em>be stupid in a specific way</em>).</p><blockquote><p>2a. I am trying to write a book. The book begins with me as a college student, a nineteen-year-old girl. I did a lot of dumb shit at that age. As the writer/present-day narrator (no longer a college student, no longer a teenager), I have to be smart about showing that young girl doing dumb shit.</p></blockquote><p>3. <em>&#8220;Yes, and.&#8221;</em> Tina Fey&#8217;s <em>Bossypants</em><em> </em>gets this right: &#8220;The Rule of Agreement reminds you to &#8216;respect what your partner has created&#8217; and to at least start from an open-minded place. Start with a YES and see where it takes you. As an improvisor, I always find it jarring when I meet someone in real life whose first answer is no . . . &#8216;No, I will not hold your hand for a dollar.&#8217; What kind of way is that to live? . . . You are supposed to agree and then add something of your own . . . To me, YES, AND means don&#8217;t be afraid to contribute. It&#8217;s your responsibility to contribute. Always make sure you&#8217;re adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.&#8221; Do I agree with Tina Fey? YES, AND I want to be her sister.</p><blockquote><p>3a. Once applied to writing, you&#8217;ll be saying to yourself, &#8220;Yes, I want to write this emotionally traumatic scene, and I want to write the healing scene that comes a few years later.&#8221; &#8220;Yes, I want to hear your constructive criticism, and I&#8217;m going to make this chapter stronger because of it.&#8221; &#8220;Yes, this character goes down on that character, and then they switch it up.&#8221; &#8220;Yes, this horrible thing happened to me, and I&#8217;m going to write about it and turn it into the most beautiful piece of literature.&#8221; &#8220;Yes, I&#8217;m going to write a book, and I&#8217;m going to write another.&#8221;</p></blockquote><p>4. <em>Support your scene partners&#8217; success.</em><em> </em>This is all about not being a jerk. Applaud your team every single time they/he/she get(s) the courage to do something creative/crazy in front of you and your judging eyes.</p><blockquote><p>4a. Here is a rant:</p></blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><p>I used to believe that if someone else is really funny, then I&#8217;m obviously less funny. If someone else is <em>the best</em> in the scene, then I&#8217;m—if not the worst—not the best, because the best is taken. If another woman in the class is getting better, then I&#8217;m getting worse. If she&#8217;s succeeding, I&#8217;m not. Not true in improv (and life)! A few things to consider: A) The better your scene partner is, the better you are, because you&#8217;re trapped on a sinking and/or floating ship together. B) If your ship is sinking, it&#8217;s fine because you are not alone. C) Sometimes, to make the scene work, it&#8217;s in your benefit to be &#8220;the straight man&#8221; (this isn’t a homophobic term; it means: the one who isn&#8217;t the funny scene-stealing star. “Straight men” are important because they make the scene work, and therefore make the show good; it’s not about <em>them</em>—it’s about <em>their team</em>. “Straight men” are also important for sex.)</p></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote><p>4b. How this pertains to writing: it may very well be true that another person is succeeding and you are not experiencing success, but one has nothing to do with the other. There&#8217;s not a limited amount of success going around. In what world does it make sense that if I am funny, you are not funny? NO WORLD. We need to believe in, encourage, support, and massage each other&#8217;s egos. I believe in you. I believe in what you&#8217;re doing. Please keep doing it, and maybe do a little of it near me.</p><p>(Sidebar rant to The Rant: There&#8217;s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and I think it&#8217;s harder for women than for men, because in men, arrogance is sexy. In women, it&#8217;s bitchy. I&#8217;m making generalizations based on my own generalizations and those of my friends—this may be hard to accept or you want to argue or say I&#8217;m not being objective or I&#8217;m being reverse sexist. This female community doesn&#8217;t exclude men; what I&#8217;m emphasizing is that we need to fortify the female community. There is work to be done. How do I know this? Because I know there&#8217;s work to be done inside me. [Insert dirty joke here.])</p></blockquote><p>5. <em>Make strong choices.</em><em> </em>The more specific you are (&#8220;I&#8217;m in a graveyard, and I&#8217;m a vampire slayer who is also a vampire [real scene that happened to me]&#8220;), the stronger you are communicating. If you&#8217;re a vampire, try biting your scene partner right away (the strong and obvious choice), instead of what I did, which was to stand still and say, &#8220;Hey, I&#8217;m a vampire slayer who is also a vampire, so I guess I&#8217;m suicidal.&#8221; And then I staked myself and died. The scene was over before it began.</p><blockquote><p>5a. I can visualize a strong female lead who likes grilled cheese with American cheese and white bread; I do not have a clear picture of a character who eats food.</p></blockquote><p>6. <em>Don’t be precious</em>. This is another way of saying, “kill your darlings.&#8221; Move on. Let go of your expectations. Let’s say you’re planning a great joke, but the scene changes/takes a different direction and the joke no longer works—let it go. Be comfortable letting it be gone forever. Know you’re in the next scene with a new joke, a new opportunity. As Darwin said, “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” I also like what Will Eno wrote: “Let’s not be precious. The history of plays and the history of the world is a set of the same conversations being had by different people. We’ve all been through them. ‘You are the only one, forever,’ we swear, having sworn it before.” You are the only one, forever, fantastic first sentence; goodbye.</p><blockquote><p>6a. If you can&#8217;t kill your darlings, anesthetize/copy &amp; paste them in a separate Word document.</p></blockquote><p>7. <em>Be present</em>. Yoga also says this. If yoga and improv say this, it must be the truest of truths. Not being present in a scene is the real-life nightmare of showing up to a test for which you haven&#8217;t studied (and you are naked and your crush is noticing you for the first time and there is shrinkage). Not being present in a yoga pose means you have probably fallen on your sacrum or your shockra or your perineum.</p><blockquote><p>7a. Writing takeaway: When talking about <a href="http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15212">Elizabeth Bishop</a> one day, my poetry teacher, <a href="https://twitter.com/Freudeinstein">Jennifer Michael Hecht</a>, said she believed only in work created with a high level of concentration. Install the hilariously-named <a href="http://macfreedom.com/">Freedom</a> program that turns off the Internet; place your phone in a <a href="http://www.containerstore.com/shop/storage/drawers">drawer</a>; put up a sign that says <a href="http://therumpus.net/2010/08/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-48-write-like-a-motherfucker/">Mining Coal</a>; do whatever you have to do to be present with your writing. Go into the blowjob room if you have to.</p></blockquote><p>There are a lot of other rules, and I&#8217;ll update this as I learn them. Namaste, Funny Women (and that includes men and everyone else).</p><p><em>**</em></p><p>Please submit your own funny writing to funnywomen AT therumpus dot net. See first: <a href="http://therumpus.net/2010/2010/2010/2009/08/funny-women-submission-guidelines/">Funny Women Submission Guidelines</a>.</p><p>To read other Funny Women pieces and interviews, see the <a href="http://therumpus.net/2010/sections/blogs/funny-women-blogs/">archives</a>.</p><p>Follow the column on Twitter: @<a href="http://twitter.com/#%21/funny_women">funny_women</a><br /><h3 class='related_post_title'>Related Posts:</h3><ul class='related_post'><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/05/funny-women-101-threat-assessment-and-risk-analysis-for-n-drew/' title='FUNNY WOMEN #101: Threat Assessment and Risk Analysis for N. Drew'>FUNNY WOMEN #101: Threat Assessment and Risk Analysis for N. Drew</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/05/props-from-a-fellow-funny-woman/' title='Props from a Fellow Funny Woman'>Props from a Fellow Funny Woman</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/05/first-of-all-i-can-stop-competing-with-jonathan-franzen/' title='&#8220;First of all, I can stop competing with Jonathan Franzen&#8221;'>&#8220;First of all, I can stop competing with Jonathan Franzen&#8221;</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/05/funny-women-100-writing-the-next-great-american-womans-novel/' title='FUNNY WOMEN #100: Writing the Next Great American Woman&#8217;s Novel'>FUNNY WOMEN #100: Writing the Next Great American Woman&#8217;s Novel</a></li><li><a href='http://therumpus.net/2013/03/112681/' title='Thanks, Bitch!'>Thanks, Bitch!</a></li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Antianxiety Medication as Musical Instrument</title>
		<link>http://therumpus.net/2011/11/antianxiety-medication-as-musical-instrument/</link>
		<comments>http://therumpus.net/2011/11/antianxiety-medication-as-musical-instrument/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 17 Nov 2011 21:59:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Elissa Bassist</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[video]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://therumpus.net/?p=91881</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p><object width="400" height="344" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ux2qEPfKHAY?version=3&#38;hl=en_US&#38;rel=0" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><embed width="400" height="344" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ux2qEPfKHAY?version=3&#38;hl=en_US&#38;rel=0" allowFullScreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" /></object></p><p><a href="http://therumpus.net/2011/03/the-rumpus-interview-with-mike-doughty/">We ♥</a> <a href="http://therumpus.net/2011/10/swinging-modern-sounds-32-an-interview-with-mike-doughty/">Mike Doughty</a><br /><h3 class='related_post_title'>Related Posts:</h3><ul class='related_post'><li>No related posts&#8230;</li></ul></p>]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><object width="400" height="344" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ux2qEPfKHAY?version=3&amp;hl=en_US&amp;rel=0" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><embed width="400" height="344" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ux2qEPfKHAY?version=3&amp;hl=en_US&amp;rel=0" allowFullScreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" /></object></p><p><a href="http://therumpus.net/2011/03/the-rumpus-interview-with-mike-doughty/">We ♥</a> <a href="http://therumpus.net/2011/10/swinging-modern-sounds-32-an-interview-with-mike-doughty/">Mike Doughty</a><br /><h3 class='related_post_title'>Related Posts:</h3><ul class='related_post'><li>No related posts&#8230;</li></ul>]]></content:encoded>
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