http://therumpus.net Books, Music, Movies, Art, Politics, Sex, Other Fri, 25 May 2012 19:48:06 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 http://therumpus.net/2010/11/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-49/ http://therumpus.net/2010/11/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-49/#comments Mon, 15 Nov 2010 16:20:26 +0000 Kyle Kinane http://therumpus.net/?p=66554 Not only am I organizing the first ever McRib eating contest, I plan on being the first champion as well. You’ve got a fighting chance of coming in second, Doug. Nobody else is really getting on board so all you’d have to do is show up and the silver’s yours.

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]]> http://therumpus.net/2010/11/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-49/feed/ 1 http://therumpus.net/2010/11/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-48/ http://therumpus.net/2010/11/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-48/#comments Mon, 01 Nov 2010 14:00:36 +0000 Kyle Kinane http://therumpus.net/?p=65343 I’m eating candy for dinner, Doug, so I can go to the dentist. The more X-rays I get, the more radiation I’m exposed to. If science has taught us anything, it’s that exposure to radiation unleashes your superpowers. Yeah, I just slip that apron thing off when he’s not looking. Actually, I feel we all have superpowers, Doug. Even you. You have the power to be a fucking drag all the time. Hey, Captain Apathy, arch enemy of good times, mind passing me those Mike ‘n Ikes?

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]]> http://therumpus.net/2010/11/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-48/feed/ 0 http://therumpus.net/2010/10/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-47/ http://therumpus.net/2010/10/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-47/#comments Mon, 18 Oct 2010 13:15:08 +0000 Kyle Kinane http://therumpus.net/?p=64331 So far the voices in my head are just telling me to eat a lot of frozen pizza and watch Nick At Night, so I see no need to start taking these pills. Oh, Doug, that was one time, and everyone at Walmart knew I was having a spell.

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]]> http://therumpus.net/2010/10/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-47/feed/ 0 http://therumpus.net/2010/10/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-46/ http://therumpus.net/2010/10/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-46/#comments Mon, 04 Oct 2010 15:54:16 +0000 Kyle Kinane http://therumpus.net/?p=63459 Got one raft for me, one for the twelver of Coors Light, and one for the boom box. This is how you throw a pool party, Doug! Of course I’m using the extension cord. You see the cost of D-cell batteries these days? Well, unless you want to sit there and sing all of ZZ Top’s “Eliminator” while I soak in this beautiful afternoon, I suggest you leave that thing plugged in. Now fuck off. You’re blocking my sun.

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]]> http://therumpus.net/2010/10/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-46/feed/ 0 http://therumpus.net/2010/09/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-45/ http://therumpus.net/2010/09/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-45/#comments Tue, 21 Sep 2010 23:42:42 +0000 Kyle Kinane http://therumpus.net/?p=62524 No, it’s because they were honey-roasted. I think I must be allergic to honey roasting or something. These are just plain so I’ll be fine.

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]]> http://therumpus.net/2010/09/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-45/feed/ 0 http://therumpus.net/2010/09/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-44/ http://therumpus.net/2010/09/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-44/#comments Mon, 13 Sep 2010 13:00:21 +0000 Kyle Kinane http://therumpus.net/?p=61809 See, you’re just falling for the media depiction of it. If heroin’s really that bad, why are are the best artists and musicians into it? Besides, you can go totally green if you share needles. You’re the one always talking about our carbon footprint, Doug.

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]]> http://therumpus.net/2010/09/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-44/feed/ 0 http://therumpus.net/2010/09/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-43/ http://therumpus.net/2010/09/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-43/#comments Tue, 07 Sep 2010 15:38:33 +0000 Kyle Kinane http://therumpus.net/?p=61426 The problem with the Guardian Angels is that they travel in packs, Doug. You can see ‘em coming from a mile away, so everyone stops doing their illegal shit before they can get caught. It’s a temporary solution. But if it’s just me on the subway, nobody will know that I’m, you know, a guy they shouldn’t fuck with. Criminals’ll be all, like, “Gimme your money” and then I’ll be all, like, “Oh, yeah? Well, looks like all I have in my wallet is five FINGERS TO YOUR FACE!” And boom, I just get him with a right slap or whatever and that’ll give me time to get out my bo staff in case there’s a bunch of ‘em. I’ll consider your silence as a “thank you” for making the streets safer for you, Douglas.

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]]> http://therumpus.net/2010/09/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-43/feed/ 0 http://therumpus.net/2010/08/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-42/ http://therumpus.net/2010/08/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-42/#comments Mon, 30 Aug 2010 15:23:50 +0000 Kyle Kinane http://therumpus.net/?p=60935 Lead paint’s only dangerous to babies and Superman. I know you’re not Superman, but you can be a real goddamn baby so maybe it’s best you stay away from my art. You wouldn’t get it anyway—I’m mostly influenced by Cubanism. No, I’m pretty sure it’s “Cubanism.” Because Picasso was Cuban, dummy. I read it on Wikipedia.

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]]> http://therumpus.net/2010/08/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-42/feed/ 0 http://therumpus.net/2010/08/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-41-2/ http://therumpus.net/2010/08/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-41-2/#comments Mon, 23 Aug 2010 13:00:42 +0000 Kyle Kinane http://therumpus.net/?p=60392 I know alligators don’t understand English, you asshole. It’s all about the tone of voice you use. Just you watch, Doug. Twenty minutes of sweet-talking and this beast will be begging to become a new pair of boots.

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]]> http://therumpus.net/2010/08/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-41-2/feed/ 0 http://therumpus.net/2010/08/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-40/ http://therumpus.net/2010/08/kyle-kinane%e2%80%99s-i%e2%80%99m-dead-and-it%e2%80%99s-all-my-fault-40/#comments Mon, 09 Aug 2010 14:34:33 +0000 Kyle Kinane http://therumpus.net/?p=59163 This is what I’m talking about—if I have to explain why a homemade zip line is the best idea ever, I’m just wasting my time with you, Doug. You just keep on walking all the way to the mail box every day. I’ll be busy doing some kind of awesome shit with all this time I’m gonna save.

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