★★★★★ (5 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing Unsolved Mysteries.
Life is full of mysteries. One of those mysteries is: How did a can of grape soda get into one of the socks in my sock drawer?
Unfortunately, that’s one mystery Robert Stack won’t be solving, because he’s dead and because Unsolved Mysteries went off the air decades ago. Unsolved Mysteries was a show that each week solved mysteries about ghosts or other ghosts or sometimes different, non-ghost mysteries. Robert Stack was the host of the show.
Over the course of the show’s run, I sent Robert over 200 letters describing various mysteries I had encountered, hoping just one of them would make it onto the show. Each week I would watch in anticipation to see if one of my mysteries had been solved, and each week I was met with disappointment. That’s the biggest mystery of all: Why did none of my mysteries make it onto the show?
Unsolved Mysteries was a show for anyone who needed answers, and when it ended, so too did the hopes of millions of Americans. That is why I am trying to bring the show back. It was not a public service, but a public necessity.
This is something in which I believe so strongly, that I am willing to start my own version in which I will be the host. I may have to change the name due to copyright constraints, so I’m thinking to call it Mysteries: Solved. Or Unresolved Mysteries. Or perhaps Ted Wilson Does What Robert Stack Never Could.
The first step is to find some mysteries. I have a couple already:
1. Why does my car smell so bad?
2. Can Bigfoot drive?
These are the only mysteries I can think of. If you have any of your own mysteries, or have heard of any not listed here, please email them to me at [email protected]
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing jpegs.