THE FOXTROT
★★★★★ (4 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing the foxtrot.
Of all the dances, locomotion included, the foxtrot is my favorite. This won’t come as a surprise to anyone who knows me and my love for all things fox-related, no matter how loosely. There are plenty of obvious reasons to love the foxtrot, but there are also some hidden wonders.
When done correctly, the dance is so smooth it feels like you’re literally flying. Without the power of flight I can’t say this with absolute authority, but prove me wrong if you can.
There are health benefits to the foxtrot. It’s been scientifically hypothesized that this dance also combats Down syndrome. This is great news for anyone who feels they may be gaining an extra chromosome or those who want to ensure they don’t.
Possibly the most interesting fact about the foxtrot is that I think I may have invented it. I’m not 100% positive but I can’t remember learning it from anyone. Someone else may have invented it before me, but completely independently, in which case I still invented it, just not as first as I could have.
As much as I love the foxtrot dance, I’m not a fan of the comic strip FoxTrot. It’s not that I don’t think it’s funny. It’s hilarious. The problem is that every time I see it in the paper, for a split second I think it’s going to be about my favorite dance. Then, when I realize what it actually is, I am met with disappointment. Sometimes I white out the punchline and write in my own with something about the dance. This always proves to be more fulfilling than the original. That’s why I’m planning to start my own comic called The Real Foxtrot. My lawyer says I shouldn’t but my heart says I should.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Kony.
7 responses
Wish you would not make my child with DS the butt of senseless jokes. She deserves dignity as well.
Brad
Dear Brad,
I’m so sorry you and your daughter were upset by this review. I can assure you, I was not making fun of her. (I’m almost certain I’ve never even met her.) I was simply relaying what I had heard about the benefits of the foxtrot.
Please provide me with a list of all topics about which jokes should not be made and I will be sure to reference them in only the most serious of tones.
Your Friend,
Ted
Hi Ted –
Quite the contrary, you were making fun of my child. If a “benefit” to the foxtrot were to not have DS, then the implication of having DS is that it is something undesirable or lesser.
When society thinks of a person with DS as “less” they treat them as such. And the statistics bear this out – people with DS are 150% more likely to be the victims of violent crimes, over 80% of the females are sexually assaulted, and even is school they bear a disproportional amount of the bullying.
I recognize your comment seems coy to you at this moment. My daughter has taught me depths about what it means to be human in a most extraordinary way. I am forever grateful to her for that. It is possible in the not too far distant future that you may find yourself dependent on others more. At that moment when you ask a nurse or child to fulfill a request or take some advice, you may catch a glimmer in their eye that tells you that your thoughts are not as important or your knowledge is less meaningful as before. In that transaction, perhaps you too will feel the imposition of someone treating you as “less” – it is an unhappy part of the human experience. And in that moment you will realize that doing so to others was not so coy after all.
On a related note, recognizing that people the world over with DS are discriminated against and marginalized and dehumanized, the UN has sanctioned tomorrow as its first World Down Syndrome Day to bring positive awareness and help the general population recognize that these are people who are of value and are deserving of equal status in our society. On the flip side, when the Foxtrot was at its peak of popularity in the 1930’s Hitler was euthanizing babies with DS under T-4 , before even turning on the Jews or other minorities. An amazing contrast if I do say so myself.
I understand you did not have the context for why what you said could be hurtful – not just on a personal level, but also how it adds to society’s collective misunderstanding of people with DS. Hopefully I have helped fill in some of those blanks for you.
Brad
Dear Brad,
First, thank you for bringing Hitler into this discussion. Regarding everything else you said, I’m not a doctor or a mathematician, so I don’t understand most of it.
It sounds like you’ve had a genuinely amazing experience with raising your daughter, and I’m sorry for any ways in which she’s been mistreated by society. Thinking back, I still don’t feel like I was making fun of her when I wrote my review. However, you’re clearly more knowledgeable than me about whether or not I was, so I will humbly take your word for it, and I apologize again.
As you know, I am reviewing the world. There is a large number of items still to be reviewed. As I asked before, it would be very helpful if you could provide me with a list of all the topics which might offend you or anyone else, so I can work diligently to ensure no one is harmed by my words.
Your Friend,
Ted
Your last paragraph sums up your sincerity. In reviewing the world, it seems you have some sensitivity to Hitler? Strange to state while asking me for a laundry list of things not to comment on?
Your lack of sensitivity is sad….I don’t run across too many people who will trample on my child’s dignity and when brought to their attention continue to act like it is not of consequence……
Hi Ted,
I have to say that I really enjoy your articles. You think about things in a different way. I have to admit that when I read this article and the part about DS, I didn’t really give it a second thought. I thought ‘Oh, this is something people normally say.’ And it is. But after reading Brad’s comments and concerns, I have to agree with him. In your article you said “It’s been scientifically hypothesized that this dance also combats Down syndrome. This is great news for anyone who feels they may be gaining an extra chromosome or those who want to ensure they don’t.” I know you’re trying to be funny here, and you were.You used the words “combats” and “great news” as if Down syndrome is something to be combated. Something that is a bad thing. So, I’m not surprised that Brad, a loving person and parent, would be offended by this. I don’t personally know a person with DS, but what you said in your article does come off as a bit insensitive when you think about it. I don’t want to put you down because you’re probably a really thoughtful person too. And even if you sincerely meant the part about asking for a list of things to not joke about, that also came off as insensitive.
Thanks Joanna.
World DS Day is a very important day to me. Everyday I have to fight for my daughter to be given the same opportunities that most of us are just given and expect in America. I have to fight to get her the education and supports she needs to be successful, to ask lawmakers to be thoughtful and allow her to have 529 plan just like my son can have, and a variety of other things. I endure stares in the grocery store. So World DS Day is a day to ask for acceptance.
Dealing with insensitive responses like Tom’s on such a day are hard. And having a response like your made my day. Thanks for helping me keep high spirits on such an important day.
Brad
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