Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing Halloween, 2014.

I make it a personal goal to take at least one nap each day and Halloween was no different.

Normally I fall asleep to a song called Enter Sandman by a rock’n’roll band named Metallica. Their music is loud but so boring that as long as I turn the volume down I drift off almost immediately. Yesterday my cassette player wasn’t working so I tried to fall asleep listening to the sound of myself humming the song. I’ve never been very good at humming, so it didn’t work.

I decided to embrace the Halloween spirit with an episode of the Ghostbusters cartoon (not as scary as the movie) and a bowl of Mike and Ikes. That’s when my nap suddenly kicked in, because I had accidentally mixed a lot of sleeping pills in with the candy. Fortunately, my sweet tooth meant they were almost all eaten before any kids arrived at the door. I bet a couple of kids had to call it an early night, ha ha.

When I came to it was the day after Halloween. I can only guess it was a blast for the kids who apparently saw me asleep on the couch, opened my front door and helped themselves to all the remaining candy, my TV, and some other valuables. It must have been like a shopping spree for them!

I’ve always wanted to go on a shopping spree. Sometimes, just to feel the sensation of a shopping spree, I go to a department store and start running through the aisles, pushing whatever I want off the shelves and into my cart. I scream “weeee” with a big smile on my face. But at the end I always have to leave the cart in the store, walk back to my car and drive home.

To make up for missing Halloween, I’m going to fill the trunk of my car with candy and start giving it out to kids I see on the street. I’ll wear my old Howdy Doody mask, pull up and say “trick or treat.” Then I’ll invite them to look in my trunk and take whatever candy they prefer. I won’t have any Mike and Ikes though.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing Danny Glover.

Ted Wilson is a musician, good friend, and widower. His website iamtedwilson.com features all of his reviews (even the banned ones), exciting videos, a live interview with Ted on the radio, and interviews with some of the world's top celebrities! More from this author →