Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing my Christmas puppy.

Even though I’m pretty sure Santa doesn’t exist I still pray to him for presents because it could be a real money saver if he’s real. He’s like a living coupon. Anyway, he didn’t bring me the puppy I asked for so I had to get one myself.

I haven’t gotten my Christmas photos developed yet so I’ll have to describe my puppy to you.

If you have a dog, picture that but smaller. If your dog is a puppy, don’t picture it any smaller. Instead, picture it the same size but looking different enough that you don’t mistake my puppy for yours and then think I’ve stolen your puppy. If you don’t even have a puppy, look it up on the Internet to see what all the fuss is about.

Now picture the puppy in my lap either napping of excitedly trying to jump up to lick my face but failing miserably. And picture it as a confident puppy, undeterred by failure.

For the eyes, picture them as typical puppy eyes although with a hint of sadness because he’s wondering where all his siblings and mom are. His dad probably abandoned the family as many dad dogs do.

Now picture my puppy’s tail wagging frantically and getting smaller and smaller as he runs out the door I accidentally left open. I suspect he went looking for his family. I can’t blame him for wanting to be with them on Christmas.

If he sounds familiar and you can help identify what kind of puppy he is, that would be useful information for the ‘lost puppy’ flyers I’m making. I also didn’t have time to give him a name and it seems weird to not have a name on the flyers. I’m thinking either Ted Jr. but I’m open to suggestions.

Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing an unopened bag of doggy treats.

Ted Wilson is a musician, good friend, and widower. His website iamtedwilson.com features all of his reviews (even the banned ones), exciting videos, a live interview with Ted on the radio, and interviews with some of the world's top celebrities! More from this author →