★★★★★ (2 out of 5)
Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing Facebook.
Facebook.com was invented by a boy named Mark Zuckerberg while he was in college. It is a website like Friendster.com but much more well-known. Despite its popularity, Facebook has very poor customer service. I wanted to start my own Facebook webpage like everyone else has but I couldn’t figure out how to do it. The sign-up webpage kept telling me my name wasn’t a real name. I sent an email to firstname.lastname@example.org but received no response.
Facebook is so popular that someone made a movie about it! I wrote a script for a Friendster movie and am trying to find someone in Hollywood to read it. No one has responded to my mailings yet, even though I included a self-addressed stamped envelope. If you have Spike Lee’s address, please post it in the comments. He’s my first pick for a director.
Recently, Facebook became a publicly traded company, meaning anyone at all can own a piece of it. It’s like owning part of a big building, like a brick or pipe or a ceiling tile. Breaking Facebook into bits has made Zuckerberg even richer than he was. If he had gone to art school he would not be so rich now.
All I know is that Mark Zuckerberg is so rich he could buy me. And I would let him, too, because I could use the money to help fund my Presidential campaign. Then, when I become President, I would arrest Mark Zuckerberg for purchasing a human and seize all his assets. Then I would sell Facebook to Africa because they could use all the money it makes.
A news article I read said that Facebook is inventing a phone. I guess they don’t know that’s already been invented.
Please join me next week when I’ll be reviewing a raccoon.