Since you already live in a shack, scratch out “S.” It would be nice to move on to bigger, or at least better, things. But also scratch out “M” — you’re an adult now, and it’s time to adjust your expectations....more
Posts Tagged: Funny Women
“Rub her coke.”
–Gertrude Stein, Tender Buttons, 1914.
Rumpus Funny Women editor Elissa Bassist is having a pity party and you’re invited. Check you coats and your positive attitude at the door and enjoy…or you know… don’t.
“I wrote down a few affirmations, discovered peace and serenity and my upper-arm obesity, but then I accidentally killed my succulent plant and Justin Bieber isn’t who I thought he was, so I was like, you know what?
If we get him, we get him. If we don’t, we don’t. There are probably other white whales out there....more
What does a girl have to do to get a hot guy’s attention when he’s with another girl shopping for linens at Bed Bath & Beyond around here? Not be dead for 30 years?...more
Courtesy of Reductress–the premier fake women’s news magazine–check out this woman novelist who has written an entire novel using nail art. The drawback: “Archery? No way.”...more
We would like something tasteful, elegant, modern, luxurious, artsy, classy, chic, and original, but also with a bit of simple lightness and a homey, retro feel. And also some danger....more
There are a lot of writing tips out there, but here’s a comprehensive list from someone who’s been “there.”...more
Write your own review or comment here…...more
The affidavit below governs my watching of your stuff and sets forth the conditions for my protection from persecution, retaliation, etcetera...more
To celebrate our growing female fan base (99.98%!) we’re remaking some of the great classics–only this time the women are stronger, deadlier, and more passionate than ever....more
Upon our union, it’s only a matter of time until our two wombs join to form a super-powerful uniwomb, not seen since ancient Mayan times…...more
I don’t even know her. But I do. I want to marry her and sleep by her side forever....more
At American Girl®, our celebration of girls doesn’t end at puberty–and now neither does our product line!...more
If I drank it, would Napoleon, would he drink it if I liked him. Would Napoleon, would the top notes, would the caramel if I told him....more
One misconception people have about poetry is that it is written in “code,” one they aren’t smart enough to understand. In fact, if you do not comprehend a poem, you may return it....more
The client, C. Drew, an attorney, requested an investigation into the extraordinarily high number of violent incidents involving his teenage daughter, N....more
A lot of women people (as opposed to men people, or just “people”) are upset that Wikipedia editors have created a subcategory for “American Women Novelists.” But I’m not....more
We were tired of being good, so we decided to start sinning. We didn’t want to kill anybody or steal anything, so we stuck to modern vice....more
Bitch included FUNNY WOMEN #98: Classic Novels Rejected by Modern Publishing Houses in yesterday’s feminist news roundup.
Thanks, Bitch! You’re on our radar, too!...more
How about adding a scene where Elizabeth Bennet accidentally places the winning bid on Mr. Darcy during a charity bachelor auction?...more
It was a time in my life when I was frequently “tagged,” along with other Netizens who seemed to keep in touch and do good works. I did no good works, but I tried to keep in touch....more
This notice is to inform you that the procedure/treatment performed on January 2, 2013 is not covered under your health plan by reason code L0L....more
I’m not going to get into the whole who-illegally-sold-a-pet-chimpanzee-to-whom thing...more
This is a missed connection, and as such I am very sorry that our connection was missed, or maybe I’m not, I don’t know, because I’ve never met you....more
Pinterest is a million-page woman’s magazine written by everyone you’ve ever met and edited by no one....more
Probably you will not get rabies if your dog licks your face, and you remember afterwards that the previous morning he may or may not have bitten a shrew....more
What to do to when faced with the task of buying a shower gift for the bride of a “traditional marriage”?...more
In 1978, Reinhold Messner and Peter Habeler became the first people to summit Everest without supplemental oxygen. But no one has summited Everest with supplemental nitrous oxide....more