ENOUGH: Rape Girl
ENOUGH is a Rumpus series devoted to creating a dedicated space for essays, poetry, fiction, comics, and artwork by women and non-binary people that engage with rape culture, sexual assault, and domestic violence.
The series runs every Tuesday afternoon. Each week we will highlight different voices and stories.
***
from RAPE GIRL
jamie hood
XV.
Before
i { was } a girl
i ; { was a } Woman
Do not ask
when i was a child
for me to tell u { i }
was ever a child i
would have to lie & i am seeking
some honesty
Before i was a girl
i was a song o inaudibility
o to be what has not been heard
THE FEMALE NIGHTINGALE IS MUTE IN NATURE THE FEMALE NIGHTINGALE IS MUTE IN NATURE THE FEMALE NIGHTINGALE IS MUTE IN NATURE THE FEMALE NIGHTINGALE IS MUTE IN NATURE THE FEMALE NIGHTINGALE IS MUTE IN NATURE THE FEMALE NIGHTINGALE IS MUTE IN NATURE THE FEMALE NIGHTINGALE IS MUTE IN NATURE THE FEMALE NIGHTINGALE i
Thus did Ovid tell the first R*PE joke
He stood up on his entire feet
The stage at the Comedy Cellar
quivered { like } a frightened girl beneath him
He squinted against the lights
He pushed his whole face into the world
He bellowed it with his full chest
(Metamorphoses in hand tabbed for reference ;
o his great laughter)
Said:
Philomela shall be transformed
Philomela shall be arisen
Philomela shall take flight
Said:
Cat got ur tongue sweet thing
Said:
lemme give u another { one } baby
(& gave her another , BABY) bird-tongue
lodged in mouth / no-song-having goddamn fucking bird
(like turning a woman w broken raped arms
into a penguin; telling her to fly)
Ovid would not hear her laughter
{ so she cubed a child-body; seared
it for the family stew }
He would not hear her give/tell o
Cixousian laughter or what else
would erupt from her terrible maw
The press said:
IS IT TIME TO FORGIVE OVID
& the world moved on
as it is wont to do
as it turns its unfeeling
its revolutions yes
{ i hear } Ovid is making a lot of money
again
raking in the dough as they say
rising & grinding as they say
grinding girlbones to dust
{ i hear } he’s collecting tongues
selling out
shows Who knows
what happened
to Philomela NoSong /
to move thee o Ovid
& no fingers being bird too winged
to complete her storied tapestry
XI.
In the cab after—
having wandered
40 minutes bloodied
on the street smelling
of semen sweat concrete
seeking / witness ; or
a ride home & so far
from it—my eyes evacuate
no
control
over This i never have
been a quiet crier
The driver a woman…
i thank god { whoever }
for This
blessed Port
Thank the woman bless
her mercy after
realizing I’m short full fare
She accepts $10—all i have left
in this world on this night
Our eyes meet in the rearview
as we pass neon lights
of video stores which shriek
GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS in bright
blues also bright pinks
& it is then I knew she knew
Think:
she could have driven past
{ her shift was over she’d said }
Think:
she could have dropped me
anywhere This was her right
Think:
she could have locked me / my broke
R*PED ass in called the cops
had me arrested for fare evasion
This was Boston & also
this was her right
{ no }
She simply nodded
Having driven in silence
w me 20 minutes or so The
streetlamps on Boylston
also Mass Ave then Curtis
Powder House pass they are
fireflies they flicker in
& out of focus I think
it is funny to be in an A24 film
in this of all moments & so I tell
her
{ sorry }
I hadn’t meant to cry
in front of anyone I didn’t
mean to cry I never do
I didn’t mean for any of This
This was my right ; or
so I’d thought & silently
she nods again letting me out
& then drives off into the night
XXX. { AFTER }
i am told not to tell
these stories or else
my mouth might collapse in on itself
mud pit rushing to empty itself
of void
constitution of the mud itself
making manifest my slick shame in/form
& content!
Our Holes
have always held the blank horror of Nothingness
but i say
at least we look Nothing in its unface & take account
of the fact we have never been Here
or There we never Were
not really
XXXIV.
on the television
the girl is talking to a man—
a “protector type” { lmaoooo }
who seven seasons previously
had held the specter of R*PE , its poisonous wet worming struggle ,
right over the girl’s beautiful birdlike head—
& so anyways
so she goes
THIS IS WHAT MADE ME
{ WHO }
i AM
some other girl on some other television says
she says
IN HIS IMAGE AM i
RENDERED
STRONGER
yes
& all the girls on all the televisions
we go & we get ourselves R*PED
so we can confess to the experience
as a kind of motivational and
/or characterological
foundation
which is to say
that which is fundamental
in composing our trans
formation:
our previously mute beingness our { how do u say }
indesirousness is made out / to be
the basic state of Woman
R*PE thus provides our alleged personhood w context
Do i need to say
this sounds
just like something some fucking man would say
of course no one is asking me
no one is asking
these girls these women
i believe i wanted for things that were mine own
before i got {how do u say}
motherfucking R*PED
but
see it is so trying to remember
i should check w the showrunner
Fundament
from the Latin fundus meaning
bottom
which i guess is funny
if u think on it long enough
in grad school a man once told me
words have a tendency
to return to their origins in the dirt-
filthy minds of long dead & rotted men
that in other words,
etymologically there is a statistically high number of words
borne of ancient shit jokes yes
as the great philosopher once proclaimed
it really is shit
all
the
way
down
{ which is to say }
in marking rape
as foundational to Woman
or else determinative or else
fundament/al to a properly Feminine Self
{ note here the metaphysical S }
is to construct a teleology
in which our rapes are the totalizing shit of our histories
OR
{ to say } we are Bottom Born ; come from the dregs
o my god
bless u how we are smeared in a cosmology of shit
& ontologically speaking
there is no escaping It
***
Rumpus original logo art by Luna Adler.
***
ENOUGH is a Rumpus original series devoted to creating a dedicated space for work by women and non-binary people that engages with rape culture, sexual assault, and domestic violence. We believe that while this subject matter is especially timely now, it is also timeless. We want to make sure that this conversation doesn’t stop—not until our laws and societal norms reflect real change. You can submit to ENOUGH here.
Many names appearing in these stories have been changed.
Visit the archives here.